Random Life Stress...

I broke down and did it...

2006-05-17T07:20:00.000-04:00

I went and put a my space profile together. I don't really have too much time to work on it, but if you are interested, here you go... http://www.myspace.com/tina453 , feel free to add me as a friend :)

Disturbingly true...

2006-04-15T22:00:00.000-04:00

Aaron was kind enough to record an episode of Oprah for me that had Pink as a feature. I have always loved Pink, what she has to say is interesting and funny. My favorite combo.

After watching it, I can see how true things that Oprah, Pink and a few other guests had to say. They were discussing Pinks new song "Stupid Girls" and how it is common for women to dumb themselves down for various reasons. I wish this wasn't true, however I can testify to the fact that it is.

I'm not trying to sound full of myself, those who truly know me know that is very far from the truth. However, I am a very smart individual, I have a sickenly high IQ and fairly good common sense. I am also guilty of dumbing myself down to make others around me feel better about themselves.

At work I was most guilty of this. I felt strange always having the answer and getting strange looks from the older men in my former company. I would pretend to not know the answer to something or to even give the wrong answer. Just to make someone else feel better about themselves so they could "educate" me. I wish I didn't do it, and even at the time of opening my mouth, I knew I shouldn't do it.

When I would always have the answer, I would get looks and then people would start talking about me. Saying I was a know it all or full of myself. That is far from the case. I love for people to tell me I am wrong, I know it sounds strange. But I do like it, it gives me an opportunity to learn something new and educate myself.

At my new job, I promised myself I wouldn't do that. If I know the answer, I am speaking up. If I see something that is wrong, I try to find a solution. It has already hurt me. I have people yet again saying that I am too smart, etc. When did it become so wrong to have answers? When did it become wrong to be smart? Thankfully my boss loves that I have a brain and like to use it. He is constantly telling me that he appreciates my thoughts and the fact I try to use my head. It is my co-workers who have issue with this. There is one man who constantly says to me that he feels sorry for my husband. He says it in a jokingly way, however I do know what he means. He has a wife who doesn't disagree with him or challenge him in any way. He deals with me, wanting to know why and learn how things are done and he thinks it's insane, he can't handle a woman challenging him in any way. I also have two women in my office who get angry because I use my head. OK, I can understand part of it, I'm the new person. There is a territory issue, etc. But will it end? Why would someone have issue with someone else using their brain? If this problem is prevalent everywhere else, I can see why women will dumb themselves down to make their lives easier.

There is a man who started at my company just a few weeks ago. He does the same thing I do, asking questions and suggesting solutions. He isn't challenged by any co-workers, it is fine that he is using his brain. This is absolutely INSANE to me.

An afterthought that I just had, what is interesting is more American men have an issue with me in my new company. The Western European men love me speaking up and using my head. The man who makes the comments about me being to smart and feeling sorry for my husband is Russian. Is this a cultural problem or world wide and I am lucky that my French boss likes someone who challenges the norm. Just a thought to twist around in your head.

Playing catch up...

2006-02-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

So many things have been going on in the past few months, I doubt I can touch on them all. First off, I got a new job :) WOO! Finally. I started on Feb. 6th and have really liked it so far. It is right up my ally, I will be heading up the Customer Service department for a manufacturing company, along with developing new marketing strategies and their website and linking in ordering with it. So, LOTS of stuff. Which is what I really like. I need to stay busy and have multiple things to do.

On the sadder side of things, my grandmother past away on February 1st. So I had to head to NJ and go to the funeral with my parents. Aaron stayed home, I do wish he had been able to be there though, just to have another shoulder to lean on. I got to see my cousin I hadn't seen in years due to his drug use. I had heard he was clean for a little bit, however after seeing him and learning a few new things, he is definitely not clean. It took all my will power to not tell him off. I was about 2 seconds from doing it and someone walked in on us chatting. I doubt he needs another person telling him what they think, but I need to do it for me. It just breaks my heart, to the core, to see what he has done to himself. He is an amazingly talented musician, he is actually friends with some people who I would kill to see live, just haven't yet due to their touring schedule. I just wish this guy would kick some sense into him. He said he is starting a new band, two guitars & a violin. I might hit up Charleston one weekend this summer to see him play live. I'm not sure if it's good or not that he is a functioning drug addict! Imagine what he could become if he was clean and sober for a while, the possibilities for him would be endless.

I have come to the very sad and disturbing realization that my father will never be the same again and he is going to die a very bitter and depressed man. I wont even begin to attempt to explain what has happened to him over the past 15 years, but it changed him permanently and I have finally realized the dad I used to know if forever gone. No hope at all that he will ever come back. I'm not even sure prescription anti-depressants would work at this point. Even though he desperately needs them. According to him, this is all just getting old. Don't you know, every guy at 74 is a bitter and mean old man who no one wants around or socialize with.

On the funny happy side... I now know 5 women who are pregnant, and 4 of them are having GIRLS! The 5th hasn't found out yet and isn't sure if she wants to. WHAT IS IN THE WATER! How freaky! There is a 50/50 shot! Too strange :)

That is all I have for now, I hope to be posting more soon, hopefully I'll be more in the mood :)

Much love...

New Tat...

2006-01-13T00:13:00.000-05:00

I just came up with a new tattoo that I want. Something that is going to close out the past 30 years of my life and help me start the next 30. I know, sounds corny. But the past few years (about 10) have been way too hard... I want them to have a finality and to begin again.

Whenever I can do it, I'll post some pics.

I haven't posted much lately, sorry. I just have had too much to say and nothing at the same time. It's been a super shitty few months and I don't want that negativity I am going through right now to be a permanent marker out there. I want to get past all this and just forget about it. So, nothing personal, I love you guys and miss you all. I'm going to be back in the game soon!

cause I want you to check it out....

2005-12-15T02:20:00.000-05:00

Rosalie has updated her site for some new items and ideas for the holidays... so go check out www.formsofexpression.com

the only limit is your imagination :)

TANZANITE!!!!

2005-12-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

Ahhh... great news.... tanzanite has been named another one of Decembers birthstones :) which makes me very happy. I never really was a fan of blue topaz. but I LOVE tanzanite. so much so that aaron had tanzanite earings made for me as a wedding gift since we could never find the kind I wanted :)

So people.... you have just a few days... go find me someting beautiful :) lol...

30

2005-12-07T02:47:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I will be 30 in less than 10 days. In all honestly, I never thought I was going to make it to 30. I have no real reason as to why, just a feeling I had my whole life. Now that it's actually here and I am still alive is a bit strange. I guess I have to start really planning the rest of my life! LOL

Well, I'm moving to St. Thomas...

2005-12-07T02:45:00.000-05:00

There are so many websites dedicated to relocating down there, they all these tips and prices and what to expect. FABULOUS. This "goal" may actually become reality in a few years.... oh how a girl can dream!!!

We're baaaacckkk :)

2005-12-06T22:21:00.000-05:00

We went on the cruise and had a good time, all things considered :) Aaron got to go deep sea fishing and caught a Marlin, he was talking about it for days. I went snorkeling a few times and got to see a sea turtle. Now if only one day I can swim with the dolphins I'd be a super happy camper.

The best snorkeling was in St. Thomas, for sure. I really do want to move there someday. They have such a huge tourism business, I have a feeling I could easily get a hotel job again :) Or really, I'd rather just go out and take people on snorkeling tours. Everyone has to have goals :) (so my husband repeatedly tells me) so this is now my long term goal! LOL, I think it's a good one.

I wish we got to see a bit more of Puerto Rico, but the two days we were there it was raining. I think I cursed that island!

Oh, the really best part (lots of sarcasm there) I was sick the whole time. It started with a sore throat on Sunday, and by the time I got home and got to the doctor, it's become full blown bronchitis. Now I might be missing the DMB shows at MSG this weekend. December shows and me don't seem to get along to well.

That's all I got for now.

Dazed & Confused...

2005-11-18T01:09:00.000-05:00

Party at the MOONTOWER!

I'm catching this moving on AMC right now... God how I LOVE IT. It just reminds me so much of my highschool and after days. I'm not sure if that is something good or bad! LOL

--
Christina

This is not what God is about...

2005-11-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

I just don't understand things like this... why would people listen and worse yet, believe?

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/11/10/religion.robertson.reut/index.html

Strangest morning

2005-11-08T08:46:00.000-05:00

It's only 8:30am and I've already had one heck of a morning. I woke up at 5:30am and couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't know why, maybe cause I went to bed earlier than usual, maybe Aaron was making more noise than usual getting ready for work. Usually I roll out of bed between 10am & noon each day now that I don't HAVE to be awake.

I started having the strangest cigarette craving EVER. I never want one, but this morning was intense.

I made breakfast, had some coffee and then a few minutes ago decided to start cleaning up, taking out some trash from our storage area, boring house shit.

There was a van in the parking space in front of my neighbors house. For a few seconds I thought it was a limo mini-van. I had never heard the name before. Then I saw Janice in the doorway and knew what it was. She called me over to tell me Kevin, my great neighbor passed away at 5:30 this morning from Lung Cancer. Kevin was fabulous. The day we moved in he introduced himself, and each time he saw us outside he'd ask how we were and chat for a while. He was what you always wished your neighbor would be like. And now he is gone. I'm going to miss him like crazy. And now I feel horrible for always teasing him to quit smoking cause I liked having him around.

What is it with Kevins... they keep dying on me.

Great, now I am crying again. This may become a fucking habit and I'm not liking it AT ALL.

cruise bookings

2005-11-07T17:43:00.000-05:00

If anyone is interested in a cruise on Norwegian Cruise line and would like to book this month, there are a ton of extras you can get... 2 category upgrades, books of coupons to use on the ship, etc. Shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'd be happy to book it for you :) I'm not sure if you can get this stuff through the regular NCL website, I do know that my travel site can offer this stuff... plus I get a bit of comission :)

senseless ramblings...

2005-11-03T00:16:00.000-05:00

This unemployment thing is working out worse than last time. I start projects around the house and yet just never have the motivation to finish them up. So very frustrating. I really do need structure in my life to get things done. I'm really useless without deadlines that actually mean something. the ones like, oh I need to finish this by Thursday, those don't work. We are having people over on Saturday possibly, so more than likely, wanna bet the bathroom will be done by Saturday afternoon? It started as a minor project, but turned into much more than I expected. It was just going to be me taking off the popcorn finish on the ceiling, I did that, but DAMN it is NOT easy at all. More sanding and scrapping on a ceiling I ever want to go through again. I was thinking of doing it on the downstairs bathroom as well since it has the same problems the upstairs did, but I'm not sure if I have the motivation to do it. LOL. We'll see.

I had a fairly disturbing convo the other day with a random person. Someone I see around my complex from time to time. I found out one of his kids is adopted and then me and my big mouth mentioned that I am as well and found my birth mother. The whole convo that came after is way to long to detail, however, the jist is, the guy couldn't imagine for the life of him why I haven't actually "met" my natural Mom, Liz. My take on it is, 1 - she lives in Minnesota, when in the world am I ever going to get there. LOL 2 - I honestly never had an urge to meet her. We have a phone convo ever once in a while, maybe once a year or so. we email on occasion. That's about it, and I like it like that. For a few reasons. I grew up firmly knowing who my parents were. And I do love them more than anything, as much as I may bitch about them :) I really wanted to find Liz to see who I look like and maybe hear a bit about her family and why I was given up. I did get that from her, but I couldn't totally break away ties, it just isn't in me to do that. Plus she never had any other children, by choice I believe.

Anyway, to get back to the convo with the person in the area, he can't for the life of him understand it. He then proceeded to try and convince me to go see Liz and meet her in person. Saying it is the least I can do for what Liz has done for me, etc. Where do people get the idea that telling me what I should be doing regarding this very personal situation is OK? I don't get it. This has happened on more than one occasion. to the point where I usually don't bring up the adoption thing or have detailed convos about it. (here is different, of course! lol)

People are strange. It was such strong conviction from a practical stranger.

Cruises, Cruises and more cruises

2005-10-25T11:57:00.000-04:00

I can't wait for our vacation, we leave for Puerto Rico the day after thanksgiving. We'll be in PR for a day & 1/2 and then set sail on our Southern Caribbean cruise on Saturday night. I can't wait. Granted, I don't fit into any summer clothes and hate, rather loath, the way I look. But screw it, I'm going to be in the nice warm weather with crystal blue water. It's my dream vacation. I don't ask for much, give me nice weather and perfectly clear salt water with white sand beaches, and I am the happiest girl on earth.

However, to make me even happier, combine that with Dave Matthews & Friends and some other amazing artists and I'd be the happiest girl in the world. Aaron actually asked if I wanted to go and if I knew of anyone else going that I could go with. He actually suggested I go! I love that man. Here I am unemployed and not making enough money off of unemployment to cover our bills and he wants to find a way to get me on one of those ships so I can have some fun and be happy. I'm not going to go, I can't be that irresponsible. I wish I could, but it's just stupidity for me to even consider it right now. But how cool was it of him to even think that I should go?!? Now, that is a very cool cool guy right there.

WHAT THE FUCK...

2005-10-21T00:48:00.000-04:00

Can you get stupider as you get older? This is so strange.

I was tested as a kid repeatedly for being "gifted". After quite a few different IQ tests, I was determined to have an IQ of 156. So here I am thinking that is the number for the rest of my life.

WRONG... I was bored and just took two different IQ tests and they came back 136 & 138. Do you get dumber as you age? Maybe if you don't use it you lose it is true!

And yes, I am the classic smart under achiever. It's rather sickening, I know. I also am probably the only person in the world who got bored taking the SAT's and skipped part of it. I sooooo have some serious attention issues.

Yet another sleepless night...

2005-10-21T00:39:00.000-04:00

I've tried the drugs, Lunesta is a god send. But I'm sick of taking it and since I don't actually HAVE to be awake at any certain time, screw it, I just go to bed when I get tired finally and then usually wake up sometime between 10 am and noon. Eh, who cares really, no one is here to notice. The only down side of this problem, there is really nothing for me to do at midnight during the week when everyone else in the house is going to bed early because they have to work. I can't believe I'm slightly jealous of people who have to wake up at 5am!

Let's see... what else is going on. OH, I didn't win powerball, no shocker there. Eh, it's down to 15mill, so I'll try again :) I could use 15mill, who can't!

DM & Friends has put together a cruise in early Feb to the bahamas. Of course, given my current financial situation, there is no way in hell I can go and it's killing me. Yeah, it's overpriced, but I'm sure it would be a shit load of fun. I can't justify $999 per person for an interior room. How I wish I could!!!! The Bahamas, Dave Matthews, concerts and amazing weather in early February... my PERFECT weekend. Oh well, shit happens.

I've always prided myself on being the "cool" girlfriend, well now wife. I don't care if Aaron goes out with his friends, I don't care about the computer games or x-box games. Maybe not caring isn't the right word, it's more like it doesn't bother me. I even got into a laughing argument with some guys at the last UFC fight on if there was such a thing as a "cool wife" LOL. Tonight however, pissed me off. It's so stupid, I shouldn't be mad. Aaron went out with the guys from work and didn't call to tell me. If he had called I would have said the usual, have fun babe, tell everyone I said hi. But when he wasn't home at 7pm I was starting to get worried something happened to him. I call the cell and he's at the bar with the work guys. Well, now I'm pissed. He comes home not to much later, but I'm still upset, so what does he do? HE LEFT! All of a sudden I look around and he wasn't here. I called the cell, and he went to the bar down the street to have some dinner and watch TV. Said he doesn't like having to be around me when he screws up cause he doesn't know what to do. Well, dumbass, that just pissed me off even more. He came home, apologized and we talked it out. But I'm still pissed. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be over it. I'm sure thrown in there is a little bit of jealousy because he gets to see other people and go out when I'm home all the time bored off my ass. I sooo need to get some motivation in my life. A goal or two that I can actually accomplish.

I should be going to the gym every day, I've got the time, but I just don't go. I'm the type of person who needs to be busy all the time. If I'm not, I am the worlds biggest procrastinator. It's just not healthy!!

That's about it for the rambling... maybe I'll come up with something that has some remote interest later :)

Love you guys!

way to many movies...

2005-10-20T15:02:00.000-04:00

Being home a lot and having movie channels, is a very bad thing. I'm now watching Win a date with Tad Hamilton. Cute & funny... Topher Grace is f'ing hilarious. Such a cutie. Why do I always like the goofy dorks? They just make me laugh :) And I need to laugh a lot.

I know what I need...

2005-10-19T14:03:00.000-04:00

A car to work on. I miss that... granted, I never got to work on my own. But ever since I was 16, guys I know have been racing and it was always so much fun to work on the cars, listen to what they wanted to do and get it done. Aaron's vette is at his dad's house in upstate NY so we haven't seen it in, wow... about 2 years! kinda sucks, but the downside of drag racing, it costs a lot of money to do it right. Yeah, I need to win powerball tonight, I've upgraded my fantasy, a big ass house with an even bigger 5 car garage with a lift and all the tools we'd ever need. an of course, our own enclosed trailer to get back and forth to the track :)

I'm a simple girl with lots a day dreams :)

if I had a million dollars...

2005-10-17T22:29:00.000-04:00

Now that powerball is up to $340million, i have been daydreaming more than usual. LOL. No, I do not seriously ever think I will win, but a girl should have a dream right?

So, if you had a million, what would you do? obviously, pay off the bills, duh! And save a bit... but what extravagant thing would you do?

I think I would be going on a top shelf trip to Vegas for the next UFC fights... get an amazing suite, front row seats, everything. for me, Aaron and a few friends. I've never been into boxing AT ALL. Actually, hated it. But UFC seems different to me. Plus, some of the fighters are darn hot, so it's not so bad to look at :)

That's all I've got guys... I know, I'm boring as all hell, but thats what happens when your unemployed and do not much of anything interesting.

I love it....

2005-10-14T21:47:00.000-04:00

Go see Domino. LOVED IT!!!

and of course... this guy in it that I wasn't expecting was H.O.T.

Why I love this band...

2005-10-04T20:34:00.000-04:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051004/music_nm/davematthews_dc

Not that there is ever a doubt... but this just made me so happy to read. I had wished I could have been there, but given the current situation, I'm glad Rosalie & I never took it past that fun fantasy stage :)

FUCK ME!

2005-09-29T23:37:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you can tell from the tone... bad news is ahead.

I got laid off... AGAIN! What the fuck? is it me? I have never been fired or laid off in my previous 29 years on this earth, with 12 of those working full time, all the time. Now twice, in 8 months.

The big problem will be, I got next to no severence and I will probably not be able to collect unemployment. We'll see. I have to call the department of labor to find out, but from what I know of labor laws, it's not looking to good.

I'm on the ball though, I found out less than 12 hours ago and I have applied to 6 positions and have my resume up on 3 different job boards. We truly cannot afford for me to be unemployed for 4 full months again. Hell, I JUST got caught up on everything that was piling up from when I originally lost my job. YESTERDAY! Figures... I've got no luck.

OK, enough from me... sorry. I will attempt a happy post soon!

I admit it...

2005-09-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

I am part of the problem.

A while ago Rosalie had written a post about how great Arrested Development is and if you don't watch it, you are part of the problem. I now admit to being part of the problem. I finally caught an episode last night. And after only 5 minutes of watching, I set it up to be recorded on my DVR each week. That is one DAMN FUNNY SHOW!

GO WATCH IT!!!!

GO CHECK IT OUT!

2005-09-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

Because I said so... go check out: www.formsofexpression.com

This is Rosalie's new business venture. She is offering all types of custom laser engraved items, all done to your specifications. And with those holidays approaching, how great would it be to get people that is a one of a kind item that you put thought into rather than something generic from the mall?!?

So go... buy... and make me happy :)

Thanks!!!

wow...

2005-09-06T16:36:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot to comment on what happened this weekend, in the wake of Katrina, it seems so tiny but will have such a HUGE impact on the US. Bush now gets to nominate not ONE but TWO yes TWO supreme court justices! It's like every democrats worst night mare coming true!

such a bum...

2005-09-06T09:55:00.000-04:00

I did absolutely nothing constructive this weekend! I read 3 books, so I guess that is something... went to see Transporter 2 with Aaron on Sunday. Other than that... NOTHING. Yup, it's official, I am old and boring! LOL

For a good laugh in the mystery type novel section go check out Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. I started at #9, and then went and bought #1 & #2 this weekend. So cute. Nothing deep about them, which is a good thing sometimes. It's just fun to laugh a at Jersey girl trying to be a bounty hunter :)

Netflix...

2005-09-03T17:34:00.000-04:00

If you use Netflix, let me know. I can add you to my friends list and we can recommend movies to add to our Queues.

Common Sense...

2005-09-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering, is common sense something you are born with or learned?

If it is learned, why the fuck don't more people have it???

Updated...

2005-09-02T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have finally updated all the links to the right. I know, it looks like I watch a ton of TV, but I swear, I really don't! It's all about the DVR baby... the best invention for someone like me. Someone who loves TV but works to damn much to enjoy any of it. Now I just breeze through all my shows :)

I was going to create a list of books I've been reading but since I go through books in just a couple of days (sometimes daily) I would have to be constantly updating the links and that isn't something I'd be looking forward to. Maybe I'll create something with my favorite authors in it or something like that. I'd hate for the world to think I am this insane person who watches lots of TV and babbles about nothing!

That's all I got for now. I'll probably be back at some point this weekend to update some more stuff and attempt to get creative!

Have a fabulous long weekend all!

ummm...

2005-09-02T10:44:00.000-04:00

Is probably the most over used item in the verbal world. I'm listening to someone on the phone with a candidate and UMMM keeps coming out of this persons mouth! WTF... that just makes you sound unorganized and unprofessional.

AND... don't sound like you are asking a question when you are stating who we are and what we are doing.

Strong verbal skills are seriously lacking in this world. I'm not saying I have the best vocabulary, FAR FROM IT. But when I speak to people, I hope my confidence comes across in my voice. I've left myself voicemails like I am a client, and I think it sounds good. I might start leaving them for friends just to be sure everyone thinks I am coming across as an intelligent and confident individual.

strange..

2005-08-26T14:54:00.000-04:00

yeah, I know I'm strange, but this thought really validates it:

Have you ever just HATED the way people say certain words? There is a woman in my office, I can't stand when she says Risk. And of course, we work in the risk department, so it drives me nuts daily! lol... it's just the emphasis she puts on the word is frustrating.

Yup... issues... I've got 'em!

disgusted

2005-08-19T16:24:00.000-04:00

So, they guy who killed my friend got released on bond. Originally, he was only going to be allowed out on $150,000 in cash, but it was lowered due to some test results to $100,000 in a bond or cash. So someone posted the bond! If this guy disappears, wow... I don't know what I'd do. This just makes me sick.

oy...

2005-08-09T09:01:00.000-04:00

How does the summer just slip away? Seriously... how do these months seem to go so much faster than the others? I just don't get it. Winter just drags... spring/summer fly on by :( I'm making myself take off on Monday the 15th so Aaron and I can go do something together, just the two of us. We never get to anymore and it's kind of frustrating. We are always going in different directions. Which on most occasions is good, however, it's getting a bit insane! LOL. I'm thinking we're going to go up to Mystic Seaport. Not to far, but far enough so we go away from where we usually are.

That's about all I got... hope everyone out there is having a FABULOUS summer :) enjoy it everday :)

a reason to always be nice on the road!

2005-08-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/03/road.rage.ap/index.html

I can't imagine this type of insanity, and don't want to. Regretfully this isn't the first time I have heard of somthing like this happening. I just wish it wouldn't!

infuriating

2005-07-28T09:16:00.000-04:00

OK, this is just going overboard: http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/fun.games/07/27/game.lawsuit.ap/index.html

Now, one, you shouldn't be buying an over 17 video game for your 14 year old... and who else thinks the violence in this game is more disturbing than the sex scene you need to find and unlock? I just don't get the thinking in this!

2005-07-20T15:15:00.000-04:00

Can you have a disagreement with something a company or person does, but understand why they do it?

When I was out with a few people a couple of weeks ago, we got into a discussion about a policy a company I have dealt with has regarding homosexual couples. Now, I personally do not agree with the policy, however, from a business standpoint, I do understand why they have it. Also, from the point of view of where the company is located (not in the USA) it does make sense. But the two people I was speaking with kept telling me how wrong the policy was. Of course it was, but can't I disagree with what they are doing but understand why they are doing it? Maybe I just wasn't stating what I was trying to say properly to the two people I was talking with.

I'm sure this is just way too cryptic, but on a generic level…

Can you disagree with a policy or opinion but still understand why it is done?

I've been around

2005-07-18T20:21:00.000-04:00

Just insanely busy... not a weekend home in months or if I have been home, havne't been able to get one single thing done. so, I just wanted to say hi and hopefully I'll start bloggin again soon.

OH! If you read this blog, shoot me a comment and let me know the link to your blog, I've been switching computers A LOT in the past few months and I have lost a few of my links... mainly blogs.

thanks guys!

oh shit of the day...

2005-07-01T10:44:00.000-04:00

Justice O'Connor has retired... not good! ugh...

--
Christina

Edgar cats...

2005-07-01T09:55:00.000-04:00

another in the train series...

Everyone should own an edgar cat. This is an edgar. I was lying in bed with edgar the other night thinking how perfect he is. SERIOUSLY. How could I have a kid? They wouldn't compare to the perfectness that is an Edgar. LOL He doesn't cry, puke, pee or shit where he isn't supposed to. he is just perfectly happy sitting on your out stretched legs if they are on the coffee table, or curled up next to your thigh if you are sitting like you are "supposed" to be on the couch or curled up right on your side under the covers in bed sleeping with you. His only fault is that he sheds. I'd put up with all the fur in the world for more like him. OH! And he thinks he is a dog. Well, he used to more when he was younger, but he still does to an extent. He is always wagging his tail, and he plays chase & fetch!! Yes, seriously, one of my cats plays fetch. He has a thing for large paperclips. He used to go after it, pick it up, hook it on one of his teeth and bring it back to you to throw again. The best part of an Edgar cat, he can get me to smile on the absolutely shittiest of days. Not many things can do that (well, Aaron can but that is his job as husband! lol) And he is a social butterfly. When we have company, he knows how to work a room and he's pretty good at avoiding people with allergies... maybe he has an allergy sixth sense.

{edit from this week: wow... the power of the edgar cat came in really handy this past week, nothing better than feeling yucky and having the best kittie ever come up to you and make you pet him ;)! }

--
Christina

Men...

2005-07-01T09:15:00.000-04:00

In the continuing series of thoughts from the train… (I wrote this one up a few weeks ago, just haven't had time to type it out)

I've never been very popular with girls. I've never figured out why, but I'm just not. No biggie, I've always had guy friends. When Aaron & I first started dating he would tell me about how guys were probably just trying to date me. No way, I thought. Why would they want to date ME! I'm just like them, but with different parts. LOL.

Fast forward 7 years, I'm starting the new job, not knowing anyone. But this is the first job I have had where I didn't start out single. I'm married now, no one knows the "single" me. I didn't think it would make a difference, but it does :( Now guys don't talk to me much and girls still don't like me. Not that anyone is mean, far from it. It's just strange, I notice the guys all talk to the single girls. Even the married guys. There could be quite a few factors. But I don't care, this is just a total foreign experience for me. We know from my previous posts, I'm not like Shannon, thinking I'm hot or anything like that ;) Far from it. But I am used to having guys WANT to talk to me. For whatever reason.

Oh well, life changes I guess. And damn it, maybe Aaron was right all those years ago. Shh… don't tell him, it'll go to his head! lol

--
Christina

For me...

2005-06-28T08:35:00.000-04:00

I know this may seem morbid, but I wanted Kevin's obit for future reference and I doubt that it will be archived on the newspaper site forever... sorry, this is much more for me than anyone else.

Mr. Kevin Michael Brunelle, age 26, of Warm Springs, Ga., formerly of Milford, died suddenly in Georgia on Friday, June 24, 2005. He was the son of Ronald R. Brunelle and his wife Diane, of Norwalk and Susan L. Brunelle and her companion, James P. Richards, of Milford. Kevin was born on October 13, 1978 in Burlington, Vt. and was a resident of Milford for most of his life. After graduating from Keane State College in Keane, NH, he joined AmeriCorps followed by the Student Conservation Association where he dedicated his life to helping other people and preserving our natural resources through volunteer work. Kevin's passions of nature, disc golf, travel, fishing, music and the countless loyal and dedicated friends he met on his journey of life were expressed in his writings, poems, paintings, photography and philosophy. In addition to his parents, he is survived by his maternal grandmother, Althea E. Danielson of Trumbull; a brother, Ryan S. Brunelle and his wife, Julie. of Monroe; a sister, Kelly A. Brunelle of Philadelphia, Pa.; aunts and uncles, Kathryn Blow and her husband, Armand, Richard R. Brunelle, Sandra A. Marcotte and her companion, Kris Carlson, all of Vermont; an uncle, Steven Danielson and his wife, Cindy of Fla. He was predeceased by his maternal grandfather, Robert L. Danielson; his fraternal grandparents, Raymond E. and Alice M. Brunelle; an uncle, Robert O. Brunelle; and an aunt Barbara Brunelle. Kevin was a most precious gift that filled our hearts with love and laughter and he will be sorely missed by his friends and family who loved him so deeply and passionately. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held on Thursday June 30 at 10:30 a.m. in St Gabriel's Church, 26 Shorefront, Milford. Committal will be private. Friends may call on Wednesday, June 29 from 4 to 8 PM in the Cody-White Funeral Home, 107 Broad Street on the Green, Milford. In lieu of flowers, contributions in Kevin's memory may be made to The Nature Conservancy at 4245 North Fairfax Drive, Suite 100, Arlington, VA 22203, Attn. Treasury or by calling 800-628-6860 or to the Student Conservation Assoc., 689 River Rd., PO Box 550, Charlestown, NH 03603-0550.
Published in the Connecticut Post on 6/28/2005.

Devistated

2005-06-25T19:19:00.000-04:00

I am just devistated right now. I can't think of any other word to describe what I am going through. I found out around 1pm today that my friend Kevin was killed in Atlanta Georgia in a large accident on I-285. I've known Kevin for years, it's hard to remember when I met him actually. He is the son of my parents best friends. He's such a great guy, shit, WAS such a great guy. That will be hard to get used to doing. He was the person I always wished I could be. Moving all over the country, going where he wanted to go. I haven't been able to find much out on the web about the accident. At first, all I could find was this:

From: 11Alive Staff
Last Modified: 6/24/2005 10:24:43 PM

Three people were killed in a wreck involving several vehicles -- including a tractor-trailer -- on Interstate 285 eastbound near the Flat Shoals Parkway exit in DeKalb County Friday afternoon, police say.

Three others were critically injured in the wreck.

The identities of the victims have not been released.

The driver of the tractor-trailer has been arrested in connection with the incident. It is not clear what charges the driver faces.

The wreck occurred around 3:45 p.m. and shut down eastbound traffic for several hours. All lanes were re-opened by 7 p.m.

However, I was just given the link to this story. I posted a request to some members of nancies to find me any local articles they could find. And now I wish I hadn't found out what I now know :( here is the latest:

Truck driver charged with DUI in wreck that killed three

By YOLANDA RODRIGUEZ
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 06/25/05
The truck driver involved in an I-285 accident that killed three people and injured seven was driving under the influence, DeKalb County police said Saturday.

Ephantus Gathuru, 49, of Woodstock was charged Saturday with three counts of vehicular homicide and one count each of reckless driving and driving under the influence, according to Officer Cory Hughes. Gathuru was being held in the DeKalb County jail without bond.

On Saturday, investigators were still reconstructing the accident, which occurred about 3:30 p.m. Friday along eastbound I-285, just east of Flat Shoals Road.

Two of the people killed were a couple from Florida. A motorist, from outside of metro Atlanta, in another car was also killed. The names of the deceased and the injured have not been released because family members have not been notified.

My friend was the "motorist from outside of metro Atlanta" I'm normally not a violet person at all, however right now, I am just visioning hurting this man so severely. I want him to suffer, greatly. The way we are all suffering right now. I know, I know, vengence gets you no where, but it's all I can think of right now. Shit, I hope at least the families get to sue this fucker for every dime he has, will ever have and everything his family, insurance company and trucking company have.

I'm sad that I will never get to see Kevin again or hear his laugh. But most of all I am devistated for his father. Ron is a GREAT guy, king of the party type. Always has such love for his children, and you can tell. Kevin was a mini-Ron, same personality, just a great guy. I'm not sure how he is going to get through this. Seriously! Ron has had very severe heart problems. He actually has a difibruator (sp?) installed in his chest. I hope he can get through this, I couldn't stand losing both of them.

OK, back to crying... but shhh... dont' tell anyone. I dont' cry, remember? thankfully aaron is at the yankee game so I can sit here and be miserable and not put on any act and try not to cry. YES, I'm strange, I KNOW! I don't even like my husband seeing me cry.

Looks & Motivation

2005-06-20T17:22:00.000-04:00

So, it's no secret I hate how large I have become over the years. I really don't know my "ideal" weight; doctors always contradict each other when it comes to the perfect #. I've been 5'8" since I was 11 years old. At that time I was about 100 pounds. That was the age when you didn't care or notice the #! Well, we do know that there is no way I could be 100 now. I'd look like a fucking walking skeleton, with a big head mind you! I know at one point in my sophomore year of high school I was 119, but is that to thin? By senior prom I was 148 (can you tell I was put on birth control in junior year!) so is that to heavy too? Cause now I am up to 175ish. I know that it too big, FOR SURE. People always say to go by how you feel, well, if I did that I'd be that 11 year old skeleton again. Cause I remember that even at 119 I thought I was chubby. Oh, if I only know then what I know now!

It's interesting how this train of thought has progressed. It's been nagging at me for years, obviously. But just in the past few weeks I've been thinking about it a lot. "Everyone" always says you shouldn't judge yourself by others, but I think it is ingrained in me to do so. While at my last job, I really didn't care. I got to wear whatever I wanted to work and I never saw anyone, so it really didn't matter. Now I am in a large office with lots of people my age. And honestly, about 95% of the women are TOTALLY hot. The worst part, they are nice, so I can't hate them for being so damn cute. So, I dress better and care more about my appearance now. I'm even getting excited about hitting up the gym at my office complex. GO FIGURE. Maybe it's the influence of the hotties or maybe it's just all the drugs. LOL. Who knows why, but I hope I this can turn into a positive thing and a healthier me. (this being said as I am calling a friend to meet up for ice cream, I'm going to get a small though, I SWEAR!)

it worked :)

2005-06-20T17:09:00.000-04:00

woo... now I'll type out some stuff I've been saving up!

--
Christina

testing

2005-06-20T17:06:00.000-04:00

just trying to see if I will be able to post via email. I've been writing a lot on the train ride home, but by the time I get home, I'm to darn exhausted to bust open the lap top and type everything out ;)

--
Christina

Let's see what's been going on...

2005-06-11T21:03:00.000-04:00

This no internet during the day thing really sucks. I always think of things I want to blog about while I'm on the train or at work, but by the time I get home, get some shit done, I've forgotten what it was or I'm just to damn tired to write it out :)

Work has been going really well, after 3 weeks, I'm finally feeling like I know what I am doing. I still always have lots of questions but I can now disect a resume to figure out what the people really do :)

I'm missing my house though. I know, sounds strange, but I'm gone for over 12 hours a day, then a couple of hours at home at night and off to bed. Besides missing just cooking a good meal, my house is a f'ing mess! I started a plan to try and get things done during the week, but I"m already off to a bad start at that idea. I'm sick as a dog :( I have a bad virus that is effecting my lungs, and with my bad lungs, that means bronchitis can set in at any time. And I can't call out of work at all :( Let me rephrase, I CAN call out sick but I WONT. Unless I am just about to die. I don't want to start work out that way. My fever better get out of here by Monday... DAMN IT!

That's about all I got... when I think of what the hell I wanted to blog about I'll come back :) I swear!

Much love!

2005-05-29T14:40:00.000-04:00

how wrong is it that I think hayden christensen (sp?) from Star Wars is DEAD sexy? I've got issues! lol

New Job and other misc stuff

2005-05-29T10:14:00.000-04:00

So I am LOVING my new job, which is fabulous. It's hard, really hard, learning something new and being the one who knows nothing about the business. I got way to comfortable being the one who knew it all and being the one everyone else went to with problems. But I think I am catching on. I was just having a convo with my dad (more on his health in a bit) and he asked me what I am doing, etc. After I finished explaining he said "wow, seems like you've gotten a real handle on the business already" which made me feel great. I'm really not a person who needs the approval of others, but in this situation, I think I need to hear that a bit. I beat myself up to much about not knowing everything.

What am I doing you ask? Well, I am a recruiter. We are divided up onto teams who work on specific departments for a specific client. Right now I am on the risk team. At first, I assumed that meant insurance, but I was wrong :) I handle the placement for people who analyze the risk associated with consumer credit cards, private label & dual brand, along with the other different entities this big company has. Currently though, I am working on 3 card placements, so that is all I know so far :) I believe we also handle the mortgage operations, and a few others I am not familiar with. We do upper management, not really the operations side, that is a different department :)

The good thing is they are trying to sign a fleet account. If that company becomes a customer, I would KILL to be put on that team. I could incorporate what I already am good at with this new job. WOW... that would be amazing. I do have to admit though, even though it is really hard learning the business this company that I am recruiting for does, I like it a lot.

The people who I work with are a lot of fun, which is a big change from before. Don't get me wrong for the most part I really liked the people who were in my office. But it was only 3 other people, everyone else worked in Illinois. so that got boring pretty quick and since we all had our own offices, we didn't see each other much. Now I am in a place that has no walls, or even cubicles for that matter. Which at first I thought was INSANE, but it is really helping my learning process. I get to hear what other people say on the phone and the questions they are asking my boss, which is great for how I learn. It's a hard adjustment because I have no privacy and where I sit, everyone can see my computer monitor... which means absolutely no nancies during the day! lol

Alrighty, enough about work. My dad is doing OK. The week before last (week of the 16th) he had a spinal tap where they injected some kind of radio active fluid into his spinal column and then took ct scans for the 4 following days. We're hoping to get the test results this week to see if he can have the surgery that the neurosurgeon originally proposed. Everyone but my dad is hoping that he can have the surgery. I'm not sure if he is scared of having it done, or if he's just being crotchety old geezer and stubborn on top of it. I think it might be a combination of both. He's sort of settled on the fact he wont be around much longer, so he doesn't care as much about his quality of life right now. Whereas, my brother, mom & myself, want him to be around much longer and if he has this surgery his quality of life will improve greatly and we think then he wont be so content with dying any year now.

That's about all I got :) We're doing not much of anything this weekend and I am loving that idea. My body is having serious issues with getting up so early again and adjusting to this new schedule. I'm hoping by the end of this week I'll be OK again. But, you are talking about me, the person who has problems adjusting to daylight savings time! lol

Musical Baton

2005-05-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

Well, per Shannon I now have to write this up and pass it out :) It's a great idea really, however, I've been so busy & tired, I'm just getting to this now... so here goes (btw - some of this is very corny, but hey, it's me, what do you expect?!?)

Total volume of music on my computer: 78 gb, however only 1.78 gb is on my ipod (which translates to 1.1 days)

The last CD I bought was: Stand Up by DMB

Song playing right now: Nothing, I'm watching the Mets win against the Marlins, however on the train ride home it was Cypress Hill - Stoned Raiders

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

Wow... this is hard, lately what has been meaning a lot is music that has great memories from years ago.

Say Goodbye - Dave Matthews Band - well, if you know the song, it is pretty self explanatory. I associate it with such a great person, who still means the world to me. Sorry, but y'all will never know who it is, no one does ;)
Far Behind - Candlebox - wow, I just started playing it on the ipod while I'm typing this. I get flooded with memories from the summer of 94. So much fun. It always reminds me of sitting in my Jetta in front of Jeff's house, just talking till all hours of the night. Great convos with a great person.
Just a Girl - No Doubt - this song came out at such a pivotal point in my life. It's just amazing. It was putting everything in perspective at the time. Also, man, how I would have killed to look like Gwen in that video, those abs! lol. I always fight against being "just a girl" almost to a fault. I do anything, I don't care if I'm not strong enough or shouldn't do it, tell me no, I do it. Which is a blessing and a curse. It means I am very independent (good) but have serious issues with asking for help or taking help when it is offered (very bad!)
Pour some sugar on me - Def Leppard - I remember the day when I found out what this song was really about... um... WOW. I felt like an ass sitting around all the time singing it. Thankfully not to many other 13 year olds knew :) But I still love it. And I'm hoping I get to hear it again in a few weeks. My first concert ever, 9/22/88. A great time and place in my life. But at the same time, pure hell. Being 13, taller than everyone and not looking like anyone else was not easy. I can look back on those times now and laugh, but of course as I was going through it, PURE HELL. Teenage girls are brutal, hell, even 20 something females can be brutal, but we aren't as obvious about it!
#36/Everyday - Dave Matthews Band - not from any album but whenever I get to hear this at a show, I get chills. The crowd participation just gets to me. The sound of the emotion, looking around at everyone else seeming like they feel the same thing. It's one of the best feelings. It's one of the great reasons for loving live shows, it's better than most drugs ;)

I really could go on, Limp Bizkit, Prodigy, Cypress Hill, ick, I hate trying to figure out what means what and leaving things out. I'm not to into the "popular" stuff and reasons that other people have for liking it. Probably goes along with that strong independent streak I have. I admit to liking quite a bit off Everyday, and I have no issue saying it! LOL

hmmm... who to pass this along to... so many of you have already done it! oh well, here goes:

Jennifer

UnEasy

Jennifer

New JOB :)

2005-05-24T21:09:00.000-04:00

Hello all. sorry I didn't post about the new job yesterday but I was EXHAUSTED. This waking up early thing SUCKS. Ugh, it's horrible. I'm still not falling asleep until after midnight but I am waking up at 5:30am.

ANYWAY, despite the sleep deprivation, work has been good. The first two days have been great, everyone I work with is funny and nice, and extremely helpful. Which is what I will need. I've been catching on very fast, I've got the computer system pretty much down already, but it's a simple database program, so it's not rocket science. (we leave that to jay! lol)

I think I am going to do really well there, I am just not liking the learning part. I was so used to being the one who knew everything and was the person who everyone went to for answers. Now I know nothing, it's a hard adjustment.

that's about all I got now... I'm off to lay in bed for a few hours before actually falling asleep! Pathetic, I know!

what to say

2005-05-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

Why am I not nervous about starting the new job? I haven't gone into a new environment in a LONG time. Probably since 1998, I've been in the same field since then and now I'll be learning something completely new. But I'm not nervous. GO FIGURE. I'm excited, VERY excited. Like starting a new program at school. Interesting. I hope I don't set myself up for disappointment.

Tomorrow I have to go through all my clothes! The downside of starting the new job, the clothes! I haven't had to wear business clothes in YEARS. Not since the hotel in 1997. I had the occasional suit for meetings but for the most part I wore jeans & t-shirts to work every day. Now I am going into a business casual environment, ugh! Have I ever said how much I hate clothes shopping? I.HATE.IT. I am not a typical girl, I know... I would rather scrub the tub for 3 hours than go clothes shopping. I can usually last about an hour, after that, I'M DONE! However, if I have to go shoe shopping... I can last all day! LOL

That's about all I got! damn, I really can't wait to start this new job, I'm fucking boring!

HOOOOOORAY!!!!!

2005-05-14T10:06:00.000-04:00

Hey, did you hear?

I GOT A JOB...

guess what???

I GOT A JOB :)

I'm really not going to tire of saying that for a while. It's a really fabulous opportunity. My base salary is more than I was making at my last job AND there is a FABULOUS comission structure. I'm going to be a recruiter. Definitely right up my alley. It's a lot of networking, research and general talking to people. PERFECT for me. I'm one of those freaks who will start random conversations with just about anyone, and usually they start talking back and I make a new friend. LOL

It was a very long interview, but it was great. I went in at 2pm and didn't leave until 4:45! I sat down with 6 people individually and when my friend who got me the interview came to take me out of the building, he told me that not one person had ANYTHING negative to say about me. They all loved me. WOO HOO. By 7pm, the VP was calling me making me an offer. It's such a great company, good benefits, 3 weeks paid vacation/sick time/personal days after only 6 months. With the option of more if I am putting in the hours and doing well. The usual 401k, medical, dental, etc. The great thing, there is no % cap on my 401k contribution, they let me put in up the the IRS maximum each year! I don't need the health benefits because I am on Aaron's fabulous plan, but it's good to know they are there if it's needed.

I never thought I'd live to see the day!

2005-05-06T23:58:00.000-04:00

They Yankees are in LAST place, tied with the Devil Rays... 9, yes NINE games back. HOLY SHIT. I'm hoping this keeps up, yeah, I know, I'm mean. I would just like to prove that money can't buy everything! You can have a good team win something without spending $230 million, or whatever the outragous salaries are.

the Mets are tied for 3rd with the Nationals, 2.5 games back. However, that being said, the Mets have played 30 games so far, compared to the 26 of the second place Marlins and the 28 the Nationals. I'm hoping once they all reach 30, the Mets will still be doing well and everyone else will have lost! lol... hey, a girl has to have a dream!

Mother's day dinner

2005-05-06T18:21:00.000-04:00

We have to celebrate a day early, Aaron and I have to go to a graduation party on Sunday. ANYWAY... I came up with a great M day menu and had to share :) Everything is made from scratch (well, except the meat, cause really, how would I do that! lol)

Apps:
Coconut Shrimp
Mushrooms stuffed w/sausage, gorgonzola, scallions & breadcrumbs

Main meal:
Filet Mignon w/Merlot Sauce
Garlic Mashed potatoes
Greenbeans w/almonds
Cornbread
Salad

Desert:
Chocolate covered pretzels
Red Velvet Cake w/Chocolate covered strawberries on top

Sound good? Wanna come over for dinner? Knowing me I've made MORE than enough ;)

Hope all the Mom's out there have a great day!

I'm bitter

2005-05-05T22:48:00.000-04:00

So, Aaron comes home today to tell me that our friend Brianna got a job. She is graduating from college this Saturday (she started late and went on & off, so she isn't 22, I think she's probably 26 ish, not really sure) Anyway, I got upset hearing that. I know I should be happy for her, part of me really is. But it just made me feel like such a loser, I've been search seriously since january, and since September before that 1/2 heartedly. I've had a few good leads, but nothing has panned out. Maybe I am allowed a bit of self pitty and bitterness. I'm usually not like this though, and I don't like me like this.

I hate feelling this way, I need to snap out of it. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be fine, it's just now.

Best Buy

2005-05-05T22:38:00.000-04:00

So, we now have $150 in Best Buy gift certificates... OH WHAT TO BUY! I REALLY don't know. Now, if it was $150 in Ikea gift cards... I know what I'd get. The sideboard that goes with our new table & chairs. The Bjursta series. Or, even a Lowes Gift card, I could get paint to finally paint the living room! Regretfully, electronics wise, we really have everything we want. That's what happens when your husband is a computer geek. Anyone have any ideas? I can't think of anything other than video games for the x-box. I'm sure Aaron would like to get a surround sound system, but I don't think that's such a kind idea for our neighbors. We really don't have a noise problem, but I have a feeling Kevin & Janice downstairs or Bob next door wouldn't be to thrilled with us. We've got a VCR, DVD Player, 51" widescreen tv, smaller 19" TV's in the bedrooms, x-box, more computers and computer parts than I would ever know what to do with. But I WANT to spend them. We have no money otherwise, so I haven't shopped for anything in a long time :( Normally I'm not a big shopper, clothes wise, but I love to buy stuff for the house.

eh, I'm sure we'll find something! But, if you have any suggestions, I'm very open to them :)

Headaches :(

2005-05-05T22:34:00.000-04:00

I've had a constant headache since LAST FRIDAY! this is getting fucking insane. Friday & Saturday it was of migraine status, went down to just really annoying by Sunday, and it's been on and off every few hours since then. Thankfully we don't own a gun, cause when it gets bad, all I can imagine is just blowing off the right front part above my right eye, so the pain stops!! Obviously I would never do that, but when it gets bad, it seems like such a good option!

SHUT UP!

2005-04-28T20:41:00.000-04:00

Dear lord, if I were a religious person, I would be praying right now to get Bush to shut up and get off the TV. Wow, he has the worst speech patterns of anyone I have ever heard and he doesn't even answer the questions he is asked! It is so frustrating, but now I do understand why this is only his 4th press conference in his presidency.

Motorcycles

2005-04-28T17:12:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year... when the day dreaming of getting another bike starts. I know it's not even REMOTELY possible, ahhh... but dreaming of the feel going down the road, it's like nothing I can explain. And it's even harder now that Aaron has his motorcycle license. Cause we can both ride. Before it was only me, he knew how but it wasn't legal. But now we're both legal AND bikeless!

yet another great breakfast food!

2005-04-28T16:54:00.000-04:00

Shep was kind enough to post for me a GREAT waffle recipe. I just tried it out, DAMN THEY ARE GOOD :) Not perfect yet, but that had to do with my cooking, not the recipe. Next time, I bet they are Perfecto ;) If you want it, go to: http://www.somethingfoodrelated.net/food/

thinking

2005-04-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

After reading UnEasy's post about his Bitch On Wheel's neighbor and her over protective/insane tendancies, I started to think. Is it really so different now from when we were kids? I mean, take out computers, and really, how different is it now than before? Are our children in more danger now than 20 years ago? I remember being outside playing all day, my mom would come out and sit on the steps on occasion, but I had free roam of the neighborhood. I knew where I could go and not go. I knew the dangers of cars coming down the road and when to move out of the way, etc. And my mom is still VERY over protective. What I don't get is why it seems to me, people are even more over protective than years ago. Other than the internet, which I think kids should have access to, but be very supervised, is life really that more dangerous than 20 years ago? And when did parents stop teaching their children self constraint and responsiblity. There are children in my neighborhood who don't move out of the way when a car is coming... um hello, a ton of metal is coming your way, let's see who will win? WTF.

I have yet another problem!

2005-04-27T23:16:00.000-04:00

I decided to list my tv addictions on the side of my blog... wow... I watch WAY to much television! I have a problem, I like TV a bit to much! And the worst part, I bet there are some shows I forgot to list.

I need to get my list making under control, I can only imagine what would happen if I listed the books I've read (that would take a whole other blog) or the cars I like, or the worst would be the places I still want to go to! yup, i've got a problem, I day dream to much and watch way to much TV! lol

Money...

2005-04-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

Why does everything have to boil down to $$$$$$! I hate it. If only the world lived off of good intentions and love ;) lol

Still jobless, I found a few good prospects online today, so I will be appling for those tomorrow. I got my favorite rejection letter to date today:

Dear Ms. A, after reviewing your resume submitted for the position of customer service represenative, we regret to inform you that you are extrememly over qualified for the position. However, we will hold onto your resume in case anything a few notches above this position open up. You seem to have excellent expierence and we would love to have you on board at X."

Seriously, I got that today! This is getting insane now. It's just laughable.

I need to find something to make some extra cash. So, if anyone is traveling anywhere, I'd be happy to book it for you (yup, I am a travel agent, have been since about 1995, got a website, certificate and everything! lol) :) And I would also be happy to send you some catalogues for Partylite :) We have some great products, and who doesn't like candles and decorating your home?

that's all I got for now... hope everything is good in your world :)

Parents

2005-04-25T19:52:00.000-04:00

Lately, my dad has been getting worse. He's been sick for years. He had cancer when I was about 11 or 12 and it's been down hill since then. He had to have very invasive surgery, which saved his life, but at the same time, has limited his abilities. He used to be a marathon runner, but due to his lack of testosterone, he had to give it up. His muscles are pretty much shot and his knees too. He still swims 3 times a week, but I'm sure to him that is nothing compared to what he used to do. He also used to weigh about as much as I do now... (about 170, he's 5'10"), now he's up to about 210/215, also due to his lack of muscle tone and inablity to excersize.

Now, on top of all of that, he's been dizzy and having problems walking. He had an MRI and they found serious pressure on his brain. I think they call it Water on the Brain, but normally this isn't to big of a deal, however, because he is older (73), and has the normal cavities that develope in your brain as you age, this is creating serious pressure on his brain. So next is a spinal tap, and a ct scan. Then if that goes well and proves what they believe this is, he will have a hole drilled into his head and a shunt put in to alliviate the pressure. According to the neurologist, this will help immensly. Supposedly his attitude is going to change too.

My mother is more hopeful about the attitue problem than I am. Since the cancer and his life changing so much, he's been a different person. More depressed (but he swears he isn't, we can't convince him that depression isn't just being sad.) He is crochety old geezer now, to the nth degree! My mom is 12 years younger than my dad, which of course makes it intersting, because she is still working, dad is retired, she still wants to go out with her friends, he wants to stay home... you get the idea. I'm worried my mom thinks he is going to be just like her after this surgery, and I honestly don't think that will happen. But how do you say that? This is a nightmare. I don't want to crush her hopes, but at the same time, I don't want her to be disappointed after the surgery and he is still himself, just has it easier for walking and balance.

Ugh... we need this over! I know this is so minor compared to the problems other people have, but when it's happening to your family, you know it's more important. Sad, but true. You can't help but care more about your family.

ANYWAY... on to more pleasant things :)

Birthdays...

2005-04-25T00:25:00.000-04:00

This year I decided to embrace my birthday and have some fun with it. Therefor, I think I'm going to have a big ass party for my 30th. I know, it's corny to throw yourself a party, but hell, I'm gonna make it to 30! I seriously never thought I would. Really! So it's a reason to celebrate. I know, I know, it's so early to be thinking about this. But I'm a planner, so the idea came to me and I'm running with it in my head. So, don't make any plans for December 17th. I think that's when it will be. Those of you not from the East Coast, start making your travel arrangements now ;) LOL

Give me your info :)

2005-04-25T00:17:00.000-04:00

I have been updating my links to the right... want me to link you? Leave a comment with your info :)

mmm... food :)

2005-04-24T19:32:00.000-04:00

I've done it :) Finally! It's not a monumental event, but I'm happy none the less. I have perfected French Toast. Now, I know, this doesn't sound like a big deal at all. But I've been trying to perfect it for a long time, to get it to taste like this diner used to make. I've been trying different things and I've now got it. It comes down to the egg & milk mixture. 1 egg & 1 tbs of milk per two slices of bread. I prefer Arnold Country White, but I'm sure almost any good bread will do :) Cook until lightly brown over medium heat. That's it. So simple, yet it took a while to get exactly right.

I'm evil... I know ;)

2005-04-24T13:34:00.000-04:00

But I'm so happy the Yankees are in last place and the Mets tied for second with the Braves :) So far, a good baseball year!!

anyone know about starting a message board?

2005-04-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

Now, I'm talking about something on the grand scale of nancies.org or anything. NO WAY. I'm thinking of starting a message board for my condo complex. I know, sounds boring, but I'm thinking it could be a good idea. Get to know people in the complex, advertise for services (plumbers, electricians, etc), finding a babysitter, general New Haven info... you get the idea.

Has anyone had any good dealings with any particular programs?

random plug

2005-04-23T22:06:00.000-04:00

So, this guy Aaron works with, Bill, runs his own internet radio station! It's pretty good. If you happen to be home on a Saturday night, he's on live! http://www.capitalradio.us/ , also on itunes :) he's under the 70's/80's Pop listing, Capital Radio. Check him out, you can send him requests too. I believe he has it running the rest of the week as well, but he can't take requests during the day... cause, well, he's working with Aaron :)

eeeeeee

2005-04-20T23:11:00.000-04:00

I just couldn't resist that little girly moment! I just got the following email:

We are delighted to announce a special Dave Matthews Band concert in celebration of the release of Stand Up, which will take place at the Roseland Ballroom in New York, New York on the evening of Monday, May 9, 2005. This intimate event at the Roseland Ballroom, which will include a full set by Dave Matthews Band, will also be webcast over AOL MUSIC LIVE.

I'm so psyched for this... I'm hoping I can get lucky and get tickets, but I'm doubting it. My last Roseland expierence was Jason Mraz, at least this show will have normal (somewhat) people in attendance ;) lol... oh the stories from the Mraz show... ugh, it was a teeny bopper nightmare.

So, being that it's the begining of summer concert season, we're off to a good start. I've got DMB in Hartford for a weekend, possibly Mraz & Alanis at Radio City, and now I'm hoping for Roseland. Not to much traveling this summer due to the whole unemployment thing... but at least I'm getting some music!

Other than that, nothing to interesting going on in my life. A person I housesit for put me onto a great job lead in Shelton, so I'm hoping I get a call on that soon. It's right in line with what I used to do, so I can't be over qualified or under qualified for this one! shit, I should delete this cause you know I'm gonna jinx myself with this post. lol

I've been addicted to amazon.com lately, since I can't buy anything, I just keep adding stuff to my wish list! lol... pathetic really, but hey, I've got lots of free time :)

That's about it, hopefully sooner or later I'll get something interesting to write about!

Much love

Misc Stuff :)

2005-04-08T15:45:00.000-04:00

I was lying in bed last night, and realized that I can't hear Billy's voice in my head anymore and I don't know when that happened. Billy died in 1992, and I'm not exactly sure why he came into my head last night. I can still see him perfectly, just like it was yesterday, but his voice is gone... it's been replaced by a generic male voice. WHY? I don't get it at all.

Other than that, no major revelations to speak of. I'm either over qualified for jobs or under qualified because I haven't finished school. Aaron keeps saying, don't worry when you get another job we'll send you back to get that piece of paper. But have you ever thought, maybe it's to late? I love learning things, don't get me wrong. But writing papers and sitting in a classroom are not my forte. I get seriously anxious and actually bored in most classrooms. Unless I am in a concentrated class, like a 3 or 4 week summer program where I get to go to school every night and finish everything quickly I get bored and then usually do badly. Yeah, can we say a small bit of ADD? lol

I'm completely addicted to The West Wing. I'm now on Season 3... I haven't watched regularly since season 2... so I am playing catch up. Thank GOD for NetFlix... I can easily sit around and watch for hours. Which of course is dangerous since I don't sleep well and am regularly up until 2am! At least I am being somewhat constructive with my time. Yeah, sure ;)

That's all I got for now... the boring life of the unemployed!

I've been bad lately...

2005-03-20T19:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't written lately. It's nothing personal, I swear :) I still love you guys! LOL

Actually, I've been dealing with so many things in my head and in life that it was easier to just not write about them. If that makes any sense at all, since blogging is such a good outlet. In this case though, holding things in was easier and better.

A few things:

1 - I still haven't found a fucking job. This is getting ridiculous. How to feel worthless: apply and never get a phone call back to even your inquiries that someone received your resume!

2 - How to feel even more worthless - hear the words "I'm sorry, you need a college degree even though you have great expierence" Go fucking figure, you'd want someone who has finished the dumb ass core classes I haven't done yet who has no work expierence over someone who has worked in the real world for over 12 years. Sure, that is logical. I could understand if they wanted someone with a specialized degree, but nope, any piece of paper that says you graduated with a bachelors, even if it's in Art or something for a business position!

3 - I FINALLY GOT MY DINING ROOM TABLE & CHAIRS!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!! Well, I had the chairs for a while but we couldn't get the table until I had a spare $50. Pathetic really, but it was necessary.

4 - I decided not to go to Alpine this year. As much as it kills me, mentally that is. It just completely unreasonable for me to plan a trip out to WI to go camping and have fun when I still don't have a job and am teetering on the verge of bankruptcy. See, I can be responsible on occassion! I am still going to the Hartford shows of course and I might hit up the NYC shows, depending on where they are.

I think that's about it...

Weight

2005-03-07T22:58:00.000-05:00

My weight is killing me, no not literally, I don't think I am going to die tomorrow or anything. It's just really getting to me, more than usual. Two friends just underwent gastric bypass. I'm really so thrilled for them, I hope this works in the long run, I know how hard that is. I don't ever for a second think I am over weight enough to need surgery, I just wish there was a quick fix. I know, there isn't. The only proven method of weight loss is exercise and eating in moderation.

Well, I hate to break this to people, but have you ever been depressed? Yeah, eating in moderation goes right out the window. I think, yeah, I'll only have one cookie... but then I'll eat the whole box. Or I'll have a small lunch and then I'll decided on something else, in addition to what I just ate. I even know at the time that I am doing it, not to! I'm just going to be more angry at myself when I am done. No, I am not at the point of hiding food or lying about what I eat. Nothing that dramatic. I've just noticed this funk I am in has definitely made my eating habits worse. Which of course starts another vicious circle cause I then hate myself more and get even more depressed. It's just not healthy! AT.ALL.

Of course the Atlanta trip did not help this situation, since I was eating out EVERY day :( And not eating out at the most healthy of establishments!

So Much to Say...

2005-03-07T22:47:00.000-05:00

And that isn't just the title to a good song.

I'm trying to decide on if I should do multiple posts this evening on the various subjects I have been thinking about or just one long ASS one! hmmm... I think I'll just do multiples to make everyone's life a bit easier.

The biggest news in the past few weeks... TOUR DATE ANNOUNCEMENT DAY! woo hoo. I love me some tour date announcements. For those of you under a rock or who just don't know me yet, I have a slight problem with the Dave Matthews Band. I don't say problem, as in I want to have a band members child or have an urge to stalk them. That's not it. I just LOVE going to shows and meeting up with some fabulous people. It's actually to the point now, where I have more fun tailgating than the shows themselves. Due to this amazing tour world, and the internet, I have met some of my favorite people on the planet. From California to Florida to Illinois... all over, shit I even talk to a Canadian who I met on tour! Some people think I am just plain nuts, well, that's there loss cause they haven't experienced the fun :) So, without further ado, this summers tour dates:

Wed / Jun 01 / UMB Bank Pavilion / Maryland Heights, MO *
Thu / Jun 02 / Tweeter Center / Tinley Park, IL *
Sat / Jun 04 / Post-Gazette Pavilion / Burgettstown, PA *
Sun / Jun 05 / Post-Gazette Pavilion / Burgettstown, PA *
Tue / Jun 07 / Germain Amphitheatre / Columbus, OH *
Wed / Jun 08 / Germain Amphitheatre / Columbus, OH *
Sun / Jun 12 / Verizon Wireless Music Center / Noblesville, IN *
Mon / Jun 13 / Verizon Wireless Music Center / Noblesville, IN *
Wed / Jun 15 / Blossom Music Center / Cuyahoga Falls, OH *
Sat / Jun 18 / ctnow.com Meadows Music Theater / Hartford, CT *
Sun / Jun 19 / ctnow.com Meadows Music Theater / Hartford, CT *
Wed / Jun 22 / Ford Pavilion at Montage Mountain / Scranton, PA *
Thu / Jun 23 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheater / Virginia Beach, VA *
Sat / Jun 25 / Hershey Stadium / Hershey, PA
Sun / Jun 26 / Nissan Pavilion at Stoneridge / Bristow, VA
Tue / Jun 28 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre / Charlotte, NC *
Wed / Jun 29 / ALLTEL Pavilion / Raleigh, NC *
Fri / Jul 01 / Saratoga Performing Arts Center / Saratoga Springs, NY *
Sat / Jul 02 / Saratoga Performing Arts Center / Saratoga Springs, NY *
Tue / Jul 05 / Tweeter Center at the Waterfront / Camden, NJ
Wed / Jul 06 / Tweeter Center at the Waterfront / Camden, NJ
Thu / Jul 14 / Ford Amphitheatre / Tampa, FL
Sat / Jul 16 / Sound Advice Amphitheatre / West Palm Beach, FL
Sun / Jul 17 / Sound Advice Amphitheatre / West Palm Beach, FL
Wed / Jul 20 / Starwood Amphitheatre / Antioch, TN *
Thu / Jul 21 / Riverbend Amphitheatre / Cincinnati, OH
Sat / Jul 23 / Alpine Valley Music Theatre / East Troy, WI *
Sun / Jul 24 / Alpine Valley Music Theatre / East Troy, WI *
Wed / Jul 27 / Darien Lake Performing Arts Center / Darien Lake, NY *
Sat / Aug 12 / SBC Park / San Francisco, CA
Sun / Aug 13 / SBC Park / San Francisco, CA
Wed / Aug 16 / Sleep Train Amphitheatre / Sacramento, CA *
Fri / Aug 19 / Gorge Amphitheatre / George, WA *
Sat / Aug 20 / Gorge Amphitheatre / George, WA *
Sun / Aug 21 / Gorge Amphitheatre / George, WA *
Thu / Aug 25 / Coors Amphitheatre / Chula Vista, CA *
Sat / Aug 28 / Home Depot Center / Carson, CA *
Sun / Aug 29 / Home Depot Center / Carson, CA *
Tue / Aug 30 / Cricket Pavilion / Phoenix, AZ *
Wed / Aug 31 / Journal Pavilion / Albuquerque, NM *
Fri / Sep 02 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheater / Selma, TX *
Mon / Sep 05 / Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion / Woodlands, TX *
Wed / Sep 07 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheater / Bonner Springs, KS *

- DMB SHOWS TO BE ANNOUNCED

Sat / Jul 09 / TBA / Boston, MA
Sun / Jul 10 / TBA / Boston, MA
Sat / Jul 30 / TBA / New York, New York
Sun / Jul 31 / TBA / New York, New York

Of course I will be hitting up the Hartford shows, and I am hoping to get back to Alpine again this year for some camping at Bong.. GOD THAT WAS A BLAST! And depending on where the NYC shows are, I'll hopefully be going to those as well.

I keep saying hopefully, because I am still f'ing unemployed I don't think I'll be going anywhere. So, if anyone would like to donate to the Christina needs a life fund, I'll gladly take donations! My life is so pathetic that this is what I get super excited for... concerts! LOL...

Also, if anyone is hitting up Hartford, NYC or Alpine... LET ME KNOW! I would love to meet those who I haven't met yet!

be forewarned, this is long and boring :)

2005-02-28T12:59:00.000-05:00

Well, since Blogger doesn’t work so well with Safari, I’ve been hesitant to update anything. But now I am sitting in New Haven airport at 530am, waiting for my 6am flight to board and I thought, eh, I’ve been thinking about a lot of random shit I need to get down, so I’ll just type up a word doc and then publish it later.

Hope everyone has been well. The Atlanta trip has been interesting so far. But that is another post all together and the insanity of people and the resistance to change. Just remind me to actually type this one out, it’s worth it! Trust me!!

Well, back to what I have been thinking about. I know I have posted before about my guy friends and how much I miss them. On the way back to New Haven on Friday night I was listening to Candlebox on my ipod. Wow, what amazing memories I have for that CD. It brought back tons of flashbacks to the summer of 1994 & 1995, and how and why I ended up changing. It’s amazing how one CD can make you become that introspective. And it’s no the CD’s lyrics or anything like that. It’s just how many memories came flooding back and being over 10 years later, how much I can learn from thinking back.

I was always the one who would say; don’t think too much, it only destroys things. However, in this case, I think it helped repair me a little bit. I still think I need to go to therapy for lots of random shit. But this really made me go hmmmm…

The summers of 94 & 95 were definitely highlights for me. 1994 for the plain fun of it and 1995 for the change my life went through and how I was never the same after that. And 1994 again stems back to my amazing guy friends. I had this one friend Jeff, wow, he was fabulous. (Not fabulous in the gay way! ☺ ) Jeff and I were pretty close that summer, probably mainly because he was without a license & car and I wasn’t to far from him so I would go pick him up most nights to go to the beach or wherever it was deemed we’d all go to party, hang, rollerblade, etc. I was driving my 1994 Jetta back then. As many problems as I had with that car, I had great memories with it as well. It was my first car and I bought it myself. I was working my ass off from my car. A trend that has continued up until I sold the Prelude ;) The best part of Jeff, he just got me. Which not many people before or since have been able to do. I didn’t even need to say anything, I just had to look at him and he knew EVERYTHING. No joke, the day after I lost my virginity, I met up with Jeff, Kathy & a few other people at Dunkin Donuts. I was just sitting on a table talking to Kathy. No one except Kathy knew about the night before and she hadn’t talked to anyone since she found out. (I’ll leave her realization for another time). Jeff walks in looks at me and says, HOLY SHIT, you finally got some. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Not even smiling, just talking. We got each other that well. It was great. If we were at a party and I wanted to smoke or drink I just had to say his name and he’d chuck whatever he was drinking and he’d make sure I was good for the night. We would spend hours in my car just talking in front of his house. About random shit, but they were always the best conversations! While on the drive home from the airport I was trying to figure out where Jeff and I lost touch, I guess it was in the summer of 1995 and my subsequent move to Rhode Island. I wonder if he ever realized how much he meant to me. I haven’t talked to him in years. It might be time for one of those emails, hey, just wanted to say hi and tell you I was thinking about you.

Next person in the what would I have done without category is Jamie. He’s still in my life, but he’s one of the ones where our relationship has changed due to marriage, etc. Jamie took me on motorcycle rides. And he was the guy I would call at 1am when something horrible happened and I needed to vent about it. I’d head over to his house and just vent, and by the time I left I felt 1000000 times better. Jeff & Jamie were actually friends for a while, which was great for me. But as usually in those high school and after high school years, a girl got in the way. Jamie and I really became closer after I moved back from Rhode Island. He was the first guy I told about everything that happened in the fall of 1996. His reaction, which really wasn’t one at all, made me realize that I was going to be OK, my life wasn’t over and someone someday would actually like me regardless of what had happened. I can still call Jamie, he’s great. But like I said, since we’re both married now it’s different. You wont catch us on the phone till 5am and realizing the sun is coming up and I doubt I’ll be going for a ride on the bike any time soon. But that’s OK; it’s just how life goes on and changes. I know that he’s always around. And more than likely, if I’m at a DMB show in the NYC area, he’ll be there too ☺ he’s my one friend who likes them too ☺_

And of course there is Loser. Yes, that is really what I call him. For the rest of the world his name is Henry. However, in my cell phone, email, IM and any other form of communication where his name is listed, it really says Loser. He sent Aaron and I a bottle of champagne the day of the wedding since he couldn’t be there. Let me clarify that, he wouldn’t be there cause he couldn’t find a girl to bring with him, but yet again, that’s another story! Anyway, there was a bottle of champagne waiting for us in our room when we were done with the reception. It actually said, Love Henry. Aaron was reading the card to me and we both got confused for a brief second. Then it dawned on me… I said, OH, it’s from Loser. Then Aaron knew who it was. So yes, he really goes by Loser in my life, it’s more of a term of endearment than anything bad. Really. Loser is amazing… he is the one guy who will be in my life until I am dead & buried. Knowing the two of us, he’ll be buried next to me, and Aaron will be on the other side. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. As with most people there are years when we don’t talk daily. We became really close again in high school and even though he’s had girlfriends who hated me and forced him to not speak to me, when they were gone, I was still around. I would do anything for that kid. And I can honestly say, with 100% certainty, if I ever need anything, I can call him day or night and I will have whatever I need. A shoulder to cry on, bail, anything ;) And he was always my protector. From things that I didn’t even need protecting from. He had a tendency when he got drunk to not let any guy talk to me, AT ALL. He would actually get between me & them! LOL

My very first fabulous guy friend though was Adrian, when I was still in high school. He was dating a friend of mine our sophomore year in high school. When Barbara moved to Florida Adrian and I became closer. My best friend had moved away and his girl friend left him. We would talk all the time, we were just about inseparable. Well, almost, if I got grounded, we’d have to separate. Adrian is an interesting story though. We’d go out all the time; this was the summer of 1991. Just about every night or weekend we’d be doing something together. There was a group of guys I was always with back then. I was one of only 1 or two other girls that would hang out with all of them. And in typical high school fashion I dated just about all of them at one point or another! LOL… pathetic I know ☺ but not Adrian… we were just friends. Then one night that I will never forget changed everything. We were sitting in his 1987 Mustang (he was the start to my mustang obsession) at West Rocks Middle school, just talking as usual. I kept looking at my watch because of my EXTREMELY strict curfew. He grabbed my wrist and said, you know your parents wont mind, they love me (he was right!) and then he kissed me. It blew my mind… I had no clue where it came from, but I didn’t object. We started dating, which was great. However, again in typical high school fashion, he cheated on me (he still says he didn’t but that is BS! I have a good BS meter! LOL) and we broke up a few months later. It crushed me. Seriously, CRUSHED me. I was devastated. I guess you could say he was my first love. I had never felt pain like that when that happened. Obviously we didn’t speak for a while. And he was right, my mother loved him so much, when he hurt me, she hated him and she still hates him, 14 years later! She actually gives me attitude to this day if he comes into town and we get together! (yeah, she is nuts, this is just further proof). He enlisted in the Marines and a few months before he left, we started talking again, he apologized for the Heather incident and we were almost back to normal. He’s married now, and she is interesting. She’s a wife who at first saw me as a threat, but now I think we’re cool. It was very rocky for a while, but I think she’s ok. Whenever he comes back to CT, we’ll get together and hang out. Just like old times. We’ll go years without speaking and then when we get together, it’s like he never left CT. I think those relationships in life mean everything. Casual friends will come and go later in life. But those friendships you start when you were teenagers will always be there. Obviously, not all of them, but so many of them will stand the test of time.

Well, now do you feel dumber for even reading through this? There was a point in the beginning, I swear! I realized that I started not talking to the guys as much after I started dating ex-asshole. And that upsets me. It seems another part of my life he took away from me. Yes, I know, it wasn’t his fault. It’s just how life goes. I was dating him and working full time and going to school full time, so since I needed time for him, my friends went to the side more and more. By the time we broke up, I think I just never got those friendships back 100%. We broke up in July I think. Then in August I decided to go back to college and move to Rhode Island, to pay for that I was working 3 jobs. So, then I moved to Rhode Island in November and really never got my guys back 100%... fully my fault. But I reserve the right to blame ex-asshole ☺ I feel better doing that sometimes.

During all this thought that occurred on the ride from Newark to New Haven, I also realized, back in those days I was much more carefree. Having fun. I know the exact point that I changed in that regard. I’m not sure how to go back to how I was. And I need to. That’s where I think a therapist would come in handy. I’ve done a lot of self reflection in the past year. I know where I have gone wrong, I know what is still wrong. I just need to know how to correct it. For a long time I thought I could do all that on my own, but I’m realizing more and more I can’t, I think I need someone to tell me how to do that.

K, now back to more interesting things… sorry this was so long… I’m actually on the plane now on the way to Cincinnati for my connection to Atlanta. Let’s hope the snow coming in doesn’t delay me. I might lose it if that happens.

Valentine's Day...

2005-02-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

I am further convinced that this day is cursed for my friends & I. I've never had one of those super romantic Valentine's Days... not even a semi-romantic one actually. But this is not the fault of the people I have dated (well, one was, but what do you expect from someone now known as ex-asshole, but that's a whole other story).

The bad Valentine's day karma started in 1992. I was 16, a Junior in High School. Ever year since 8th grade, my parents had me tag along with them to their time share in the Bahamas (now before you think I was some spoiled kid, FAR FROM IT. if it wasn't for the fact they thought I'd destroy the house while they were gone, they wouldn't have brought me!). That year I brought my friend Christine with us, so I wasn't completely bored out of my skull sitting around with only my parents for a week. It was 9:10 pm on Friday the 14th. We were sitting in the living room of the time share packing up our stuff, I got this horrible overwhelming feeling of absolute dread, I looked up at Christine and told her I knew something horrible happened at home. I was terrified to go back, I just KNEW something bad happened. I assumed something happened to my friend Kim (the same girl who has stopped talking to me because she found our of our engagement in an email). She was really sick before we left, so I assumed that something happened to her. Fast forward to Saturday night and landing in JFK airport. By now, I put the bad feeling to the back of my head. It was raining in NYC when we landed. We got home and called Christine's dad to come and pick her up. Mr. MacDonald arrived and looked like he had seen a ghost. He informed us that Bill was in a car accident last night. We assumed that he meant her boyfriend Bill P, but no, it was Bill V, a friend of ours since the beginning of high school. I said, oh, I'm sure he is fine, I'll go call Kim to see what's up. I left them standing there talking on the stairs and called Kim's house. Her sister Faye answered. I asked how Billy was, and she told me he was dead. yeah, right... No Christina, really he is. All I remember is calling her a fucking bitch for lying like that, then I went into the bathroom and threw up. Christine's dad knew, but he couldn't bring himself to tell us before I ran off and picked up the phone. I guess while I was dialing Kim, he told Christine & my parents. We were all in shock. Billy was driving home from work and hit some black ice, did a few 360's, hit a stone wall and a tree, a 9:10pm! SERIOUSLY. I'm not f'ing kidding. The next few months are honestly a complete blurr, I know I did horribly in school, I remember that weekend following the funeral like it was yesterday. I remember the day the school found out and the moment of silence we had and how I completely lost it and Kirsten Choice was nice enough to come up to me and give me a hug. (her and I were never friends, it was just the nicest gesture, I'll never forget it) But after the funeral, till about May or so, I honestly don't remember anything from my junior year of High School. I know I did horribly in my classes, barely passed anything and I do think I went out a lot drinking and partying. But I don't' have one solid concrete memory. It's very odd.

So, needless to say, V-day was sort of ruined for a few years. Add on to that, I actually felt guilty if I wanted to do something special. Like who the hell do you think you are, your friend can't ever do anything again and you want to go out to dinner on the night he died! I started to get past that, and thought this year I am going to do something special. I was dating the man known as ex-asshole at this point. I thought I'd be cute, make him some cookies and get him his favorite candy along with a gift certificate for the weekend away that I had planned. Since I really couldn't wrap up what I bought him, I thought it was a good idea. Yeah, I should have broken up with him right then. He thought my gift certificate idea was funny and then the next day proceeded to inform me that his mom had one of the cookies I made and told him they were from the store, the refridgerated packaged kind. SORRY, I wasn't may baking genius yet that I am today. Really, that should have told me then & there to ditch him, but I was dumb 19 year old and stayed with him for a few more months before kicking him to the curb completely.

I didn't do anything again for a LONG time... honestly, I don't think I have done anything big on v-day since. Wow... that is just pathetic... 10 years. But yesterday was no different. Aaron is away in Norwalk staying at a friends house watching their animals because Ron's brother passed away and they had to go to the funeral in Vermont. And since he is working every day until the end of the month, it made the most sense for him to stay down there closer to work so he wasn't driving 80 miles a day!

I got a phone call this morning to add to the freaky tragedy of V-day. Kathy's (a friend I became close with because of Billy's death) grandmother passed away yesterday. This poor girl cannot get a break. She was totally in love with Billy when he died, Valentines was pretty much ruined for her after that. And now this! Oh, and the kicker, the 14th was also her grandmothers birthday! What kind of cruel joke is this?

And my fish, Blunty, died yesterday too. And no, his name is not a drug reference, long story on that, I'll save it for another day. That's all I got for now folks... another happier post at another time, I promise!

LOVE YOU ALL!

VACATION!!!!

2005-02-13T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well, due to the job loss, we had to forgo the vacation that was planned for February. And against our better judgment we are now going on a cruise in November :) Here is our itinerary and this is the ship we will be sailing on :) I found really great pricing (from $531 per person, INCLUDING port charges!) I can't wait. By the time we sail, Aaron and I wont have been on a vacation for over a year & half. For us that is a LONG time. If anyone is interested in coming along, the more the merrier! Seriously, just shoot me an email and I will get all the pricing for you. We'd love to see people. Our friends Cindy & Chris are already going as well, well, they booked first, so I guess we are going with them :)

That's about all I got for right now! Nothing else interesting is going on, regretfully. I still haven't found a job, I am getting things done around the house though, so that is a nice sense of accomplishment. I am trying to find any way possible to get back to Alpine this summer. You should go too :)

The good thing about being home...

2005-02-04T13:29:00.000-05:00

when I think of something I want to blog about, I can :) I don't have to worry about remembering it an hour later!

I was in the shower and thinking. I think in the shower, I know, it's odd. I miss my friends. Not like Cori and her missing her girlfriends, I'm not really a girly girl. I miss my guy friends. I love cars, motorcycles, working on cars... all the guy stuff, so I am usually drawn to men and closer to them in relationships that aren't sexual. I relate to guys much better than women 80% of the time. Don't get me wrong, you will always need girl friends... but there is something uncomplicated about guy friends. No one gets pissed if you don't call or didn't include them in something. It's great! You can not call them for 6 months and when you do pick up the phone there is nothing wrong with that.

I had some AMAZING guy friends back in the day. 3 stick out in my mind the most. I have completely lost touch with one over the years, which bothers me on occasion, but for the most part, it's OK we're older and grew apart, so is life! I'm still in touch with the other two though. The best thing about guy friends, they let you vent and then never bring it up again. No over analyzing anything, no bullshit, just "Dude, that really sucks, want a drink?" One guy in particular was the best. We still talk and meet up on occasion. But we are both married now so I think it's a bit odd now. Almost like people will think something is going on if we go out just us with out our spouses. At least that is what happens when I say I go anywhere and meet up with him. I get strange looks. Why once you are married does everything change with regards to the opposite sex? This guy and I never had sex, we are just good friends. He's the guy I would call after seeing ex-asshole in a bar, I'd go to his house, bitch and complain for an hour or so, we'd chat about misc bullshit, he'd give me a great big hug and I'd be out the door, feeling 10000 times better than I did a few hours before. You can't beat that. Really. Aaron is fabulous, don't ever doubt that. But you need that un-involved point of view on occasion. About everything, not just relationships. I really do need him now and I know I can't do anything about that. We've tried to hang out, just us. But usually it ends up having to be kept secret from other people (not Aaron or his wife) because there are rumors and honestly, I just don't want to deal with that shit. Everyone actually always thought we were "together" back in the day, but nope, just friends.

I think I just need a hug... that has no connotations, that means nothing other than a hug. I think that was what was so great about those guys. They liked me for me, they never wanted to get in my pants (well, if they did, they didn't let on about it). They were just themselves, and treated me no differently. Well, except this one time while installing a new motor and I was wearing a tank top... but that's a whole other story. I think I need to call him and schedule some us time. It's hard with us living so far apart now, and he owns his own business so he can't really ever be away since he is on call 24/7.

Am I strange? maybe, but I like me for the most part... so strange is OK.

AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2005-02-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

Can I just scream really loudly? To bad you guys wont hear it, cause I am a good screamer! LOL

Life is just really shitty right now. My last day at work was last Friday and it was pure torture. I had to work with my annoying co-worker all week who can't fathom comfortable silences. If there is no noise, she finds it necessary to talk. A LOT! I may be a talker, but usually it's something I find to be important or funny. Not just stupid bullshit I have said a million times previously. So add that onto the hell that is my life otherwise, I am just very blah.

I still can't write about the other issues that are going on. And I am very sorry about that, because 1 - I hate being cryptic and 2 - I need to vent. Oh well, shit happens, a lot it seems.

I should be looking for a job, but I really just need a couple of days off, to let my head clear and clean this damn house. I've been in such a bad place the past few weeks, it looks like a scientific experiment in my bathrooms. ICK!!!!!

That's about it, I love you guys and once all this shit clears, I hope to be able to write about it a little bit.

I'm still alive

2005-01-25T11:39:00.000-05:00

but barely... there is so much going on that I can not even begin to write about. It doesn't help that I really can't even write about it. So, I just wanted everyone to know, yes I am alive, and yes I will still be blogging when all this blows over!

End of the year...

2005-01-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

End of the Year wrapup as stolen from Shep!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sort of, I lost some weight, but then gained it all back later on :(

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Jennifer had Colby Grace, we're close in heart but not in reality ;)

Did anyone close to you die?
My Grandfather

What countries did you visit?
The Bahamas :)

What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Financial stability, less stress and a feeling of accomplishment

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting married and not seriously injuring a member of my family in the process!

What was your biggest failure?
Gaining the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. And losing my job. But that wasn't really my fault, so I guess it's not really a failure, but in my eyes right now it is.

What was the best thing you bought?
Our condo.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My new husband, for putting up with all of my insanity and bullshit this year.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A certain family member who I am not rude enough to put into writing and George Bush. Bush makes me more upset than any political figure I can think of. Well, Hitler has him beat.

Where did most of your money go?
Wedding, mortgage, car and bills!

What did you get really excited about?
Going to Alpine and meeting up with Rosalie, Jim, Dawn, etc.
(and of course the wedding!)

What song will always remind you of 2004?
That's hard, I can't really think of one off hand.

Compared to this time last year, are you:Happier or sadder?
Sadder, but that is just because at this time last year I was distracted by planning the wedding!

Thinner or fatter?
Fatter :(

Richer or poorer?
Much Poorer.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Being happy with what I have actually achieved vs being angry with what I haven't done.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing out. (gotta go with Shep on this one, stress has just about killed me)

How will you be spending Christmas?
In NJ with my family. Next year it's with Aaron's family. We're diplomatic that way :)

Did you fall in love in 2004?
I was already in love, so I don't think it's possible to fall again!

How many one-night stands?
Nope!

What was your favorite TV program?
Survivor, it's my break from reality reality show ;)

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I'm sure there are a few people, but I am choosing to not think of the people I hate/dislike. It's my attempt at being more positive! LOL

What was the best book you read?
Wow, that's hard. I've read way to many this year to pick just one.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
I didn't have any big WOW moments in music this year.

What did you want and get?
A home!

What did you want and not get?
A new car!

What were your favorite films of this year?
Chronicles of Riddick (yeah, just cause I have a thing for Vin Diesel), Harry Potter (I like my imagination running away like that) I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now!

What did you do on your birthday?
went out to dinner with Aaron!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
T-shirts, jeans & flip flops... I'm definitely not a fashion icon!

What kept you sane?
I was sane to begin with?

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmm... Vin Diesel, just for the body - I have a feeling there isn't much brain in there, but I could be wrong. Dave Matthews - for his brain!

What political issue stirred you the most?
The election for sure, you can't get me started on it again.

Who did you miss?
friends, I don't have very many anymore and sometimes I wish I did.

Who was the best new person you met?
I'm not sure I met that many new people this year. My life is fairly ho-hum in that department.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Don't stress over the small shit, it just gives you a big shit headache!

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
HA! yeah, I'm not good at that at all!

randomness...

2005-01-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

Let's see, what has been going on? Our New Years plans got completely dumped at the last minute on Friday. Aaron's brother in law Larry ended up in the hospital with bad cellulitis. So Aaron and Mike stayed with the two boys on friday night, while I took Nickole (his sis) and Nina (the oldest kid) to the hospital to visit Larry and get some things accomplished. Nickole works for the hospital, so there were no visiting hours, etc. Which is good and bad! LOL. We ended up there until 11:40pm, making sure he got his meds, etc. What an ordeal. Makes me never want to be a patient again! So that trashed New Years Eve. And then on the way back, Nina wanted to sleep over our house. She was so bummed and freaked about her dad, how could I say no. So she was over till about 8pm on Saturday. I realized, one - I am not prepared to have kids yet, not even close and two - I don't have enough things in my house to keep a 10 year old occupied and three - I don't have enough energy for children yet. Wow, I was WIPED OUT by the time she left. We didn't do anything physically taxing, but just mentally, I was wiped out.

I'm fairly angry. I was supposed to go to Chicago this weekend to visit with some friends and then do some training at the company on Monday & Tuesday. They just changed those plans AGAIN! Now it "might" be the following week. Seriously, how in the world are they going to be prepared for me to leave if they can't even get something this simple arranged. This is going to be a nightmare! Also, I really wanted to hang out with Ryan and some people that I work with. So it sucks on that level too :( eh, WHATEVER!

I've been looking and looking for a new job. There are such slim pickings out there. I only found 3 jobs worth sending my resume to. Hopefully one of them will work out. If anyone out there knows of any company hiring for account management, office management, etc. please let me know. I would be forever in your debt!

That's all I got for now!

Update!

2004-12-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

I have finally gotten a moment to update my soldier project blog. Please feel free to pass it along, link it on your site or whatever you want! The more people who can help out, the more things we can send to the men & women overseas :) Just because the holidays are over, we shouldn't forget about the people who are still away from their families.

http://mysoldierproject.blogspot.com/

THANK YOU!

I shouldn't be surprised!

2004-12-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

Amazingly, there was no gift card in our overnight envelope from the corporate office. I swear, days like today make me almost happy I am being laid off in January. It's amazing to me how such a small gesture like forgetting someone can make you feel even worse about yourself. I wonder if they realize what it does to your self esteem to be constantly forgotten?

Gmail

2004-12-27T16:34:00.000-05:00

If anyone needs a gmail account, just let me know, I have 6 invites to give away :)

Stuff

2004-12-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

Lots of random shit to go through... where to start????

Christmas in NJ! Let's start there. It was nice for once! No one said anything rude or mean about my weight, or life! Which I think is a first since about the age of 10. Maybe me finally being married and having bought our own house brought out the nice in everyone, or they finally realized that making comments on how they don't agree or approve with what you do with your life, really gets no one anywhere. I am really hoping this is a new trend and things will change on the family front. I do know that they all only care, a bit to much! I had been debating about telling the family about the phone call to T or the subsequent letter . So, I pulled one of my cousins away from everyone to ask if he had heard from T lately. He said, yeah, actually on Thursday. I was shocked and very happy at the same time. I was really worried he hadn't been in contact with anyone at all. I asked if T had mentioned what I had done. He said no, so I explained hunting him down on the internet and the letter I sent and the phone call I got in return. He was shocked and happy. For a few reasons, one for me giving a shit to try and two that T made an attempt to contact me back. He thinks it's real progress. And I do have to agree. According to my other cousin, T is doing well and things are looking up. Which has me thrilled BEYOND belief. He really really does deserve to be happy and have things go his way. I asked my cousin not to tell anyone about what I had done, I was still fearful that my aunt or other relatives would be upset with me for going against what they asked. But as we were packing all our stuff up to leave, my aunt comes up to me with a piece of paper. She has T's address & phone number on it for me. I broke and told her, well, I already have that. She was shocked, my cousin was nearby and said, tell her, she should know. So I explained to her what I did. She was SHOCKED. And said thank you! WOW, I was seriously expecting to get my ass handed to me. There are few people in this world that I am afraid of... my aunt is one of them. At only 4'11", she can be a mean tiny person ;) So, I guess I scored a point with the family for that one. Not that I was trying, but it was really nice to know that they aren't pissed at me for doing something I wanted to do so badly.
Aaron got me the lamp that I wanted for the dining room! We are finally getting to the point of me being happy with the condo :) We also got some gift cards to Ikea, which goes towards the new dining furniture that I am wanting so desperately. It's looking like we we only need to spend about $250 of our own money for the table & 6 chairs! Which isn't bad for a $750 set :)
Everyone at our home office got a $100 Amex gift card for Christmas this year, how shocking... Lynn & I didn't get anything. This will be the 3rd Christmas that we were "over looked" out here in the CT office. The first time it happened, I really believed it was an oversight. The second time I doubted it. Now, if there is nothing in our weekly package that should arrive tomorrow, I know that it was on purpose. I really do think they hope we don't find out about what the home office gets and that way they don't need to send us anything. I could really use the $100, so I hope that it arrives tomorrow.

I can't think of anything else off hand. I hope everyone had a FABULOUS holiday, whichever you happen to celebrate :)

MUCH LOVE!

Greatest husband in the world...

2004-12-22T09:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah, Aaron is the best! You will NOT believe what he did. He found all the DMB songs he could find and over the course of I don't know how long, listened to them all and made a list of the songs he ACTUALLY LIKES! Wow, that is huge for him! This is from the man who would cringe at getting in my car when I had my CD changer, because 6 of the 10 CD's in there were DMB :)

Granted for some reason most of the songs are off Everyday, but they aren't the bad ones. Maybe he just has a thing for over produced music. LOL. I don't care, at least he tried and I am thinking that is FABULOUS :)

Where I have lived

2004-12-22T09:01:00.000-05:00

I was thinking on the train ride in this morning, where have I lived. It's hard to remember years and such, but I think I have the places down. I'm really only putting this down for my own memory!

Norwalk, CT
Fitchburg, MA
Providence, RI
Weston, CT
Hamden, CT
New Haven, CT

I feel like I am missing places. Maybe they will come to me later! Maybe it's because I moved between those places a few times. That's got to be it, because I really can't think of any other cities I have actually lived in. Unless I should count Gilmanton Iron Works, NH. We used to have a summer place up there.

So Much DONE!

2004-12-21T14:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, I must say I am extremely impressed with myself! This weekend was a cleaning spree. Friday night I cleaned out the closet in the second bedroom and re-arranged the room so Aaron could keep his weight bench in there without me having the urge to toss it out the 3rd floor window every day. It's not 100% done, but there isn't much else I can do until I get the desk from my office in there. Then I can really go to town :) Yup, I am such a geek.

On Saturday I woke up fairly early and headed off to Lowes (the first of 3 trips this weekend, Lowes and I have become good friends!). I got the screws I needed for my new shelves, some lightbulbs so some lighting had the correct bulbs in them, some weather stripping for our front door and some other misc. shit we needed. I was proud, first trip and I only spent $18! Go me! We started to put the shelves up and found out the studs aren't really where the stud finder said they were, so it was back off to Lowes to get some toggle anchors. Two shelves went up smoothly. Then there was number 3. Which gave us a headache and we put it off till Sunday. Sunday came, went back to Lowes after we put a hole in the kitchen wall and got some more toggle anchors and screws. So, after trip 3, some cursing, all 3 shelves were up. I then proceeded to clean the ENTIRE kitchen and re-organize it. WOW, what a difference some shelves can make. HOLY SHIT, I love my kitchen as much as I can right now! yeah, there is lots more that I want to do to it, but I don't feel cramped in there any more. I have more counter space and I must say, the shelves look darn good :) I think I told Aaron I love my kitchen about 20 times :) But I do, is it wrong to love your kitchen?

After the kitchen, I started in on the storage closet on the main floor. We had a bookcase I wanted to put in there that had been holding some stuff in the kitchen... so I dragged a ton of stuff out of it and re-arranged it all. Yeah, I think I can organize anything after the bedroom, kitchen and closet experiences of this weekend. Maybe I'll find a good job as a professional organizer when my job is through in January! LOL... I'm so anal it would be perfect for me!

Once in a lifetime

2004-12-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

I actually had a decent birthday. No one pissed me off, I had a decent day, no one yelled at me and no one was disappointed in me! I'd say it's a check box in the good column for once!

Aaron bought me 3 shelves for the kitchen. I couldn't be happier. You know you are old when shelving makes you giddy! I can't wait to put them up and FINALLY organize the kitchen the way I prefer it. It's hard because we need new cabinets, but that will be a while. There is so much unused, inaccessible space in our cabinet system. Oh well, the shelves will help with that A LOT!

We are a bit closer to getting the dining room table and chairs that I want so badly. I would just love to have some furniture that wasn't given to us because someone else didn't want it anymore or came from a thrift store. We're getting there, it's going to take time, but it feels good to be on the way :)

I'm hoping the rest of today will be a good day, I got to the train station and started off the morning great for the first time in a long time. Hopefully this better feeling will keep up for a while and I don't go down the slippery slope of bah humbug again soon.

YAY

2004-12-16T09:46:00.000-05:00

Aaron and I are going out to dinner tonight, just the two of us. Which is exactly what I need.

I love my parents, don't ever doubt that. They just drive me insane. They don't do it on purpose, obviously. It's just how they have become. And the last thing I want to deal with on my birthday is going home beyond stressed and close to tears. Which, regretfully, is what usually happens on the way home from dinner with them. My dad is older, not to old I think (73), but he is already at the "I'm a crochety old man, leave me alone" stage of his life. He's been through A LOT in the past 15 years, so I can understand it. But at the same time, it can push you over the edge. He complains about everything. What time we are eating, how it's being cooked, etc. Where my mom is 12 years younger than him, so she doesn't understand where he is coming from and just proceeds to get angry at him. Which does no good other than to upset her even more because he doesn't respond to her getting angry. Then of course, she proceeds to drink during the evening. She doesn't get sloppy drunk at all, she just gets overly emotional. One very interesting thing about my mom while she drinks, she finds the need to defend everyone about EVERYTHING. You could say that Diane's shirt doesn't fit properly and she will go off about how great Diane is and how dare you say that. It gets very stressful.

So here's hoping year 29 will be better than the past 28 ;) Or at least better than the last have of year 28 :)

You can't make anyone happy

2004-12-15T11:10:00.000-05:00

This is what I have come to the conclusion for years now. No matter what I do, I can't make everyone happy, so now I am at the point of why bother? I'll live my life for me.

All this stems, from you guessed it, my birthday! Go fucking figure. Now, my b-day used to be a big deal, cause when I was adopted, on my 2nd birthday that was the official day that my birth mother couldn't change her mind and take me back. In the 70's they had a lot of time to change their mind. In some states it's now only 3 days!

k, back on topic. So, for as long as I can remember, I haven't liked my b-day. I don't like being the center of attention, I don't like feeling like I am putting people out by having to make dinner for me or anything like that. I'm strange I know. This shouldn't be a shock to my family, but it does. EVERY YEAR. I'll never forget my 16th b-day. I didn't want a big party, hell, I didn't want anything. But my mom, being my mom, ignored everything I wanted and threw me a party anyway. She wanted my friends there and everything. Since I didn't want the stinking party, I didn't invite any of my friends. So it ended up being just family, which was fine. But I still hated it. A few years ago, my friends threw me a surprise party. It was very nice of them. They didn't surprise me (that's VERY hard to do) but it was a nice gesture on their part. But again, the whole time I was very uncomfortable. Maybe it stems from the fact I have so many groups of friends. I feel like I am ignoring people when I hang out with one set instead of another. Also, when my family is around, I can't relax. And shouldn't you be relaxed at a party for YOUR birthday?

Well, yet again, this year rolls around, my mom asks when we want to celebrate my birthday. I say, I'd rather not. And then we get into the usual argument. And she says, well you never give me a reason. WTF... Every year I give her a reason and it's never good enough, so I have to endure dinner with all of them, me feeling like shit and all I ever want to do is go home and back to bed. This year is even worse. I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate. No, I don't care about getting older, really I don't. I'm just so bummed about my life in general, my job, and the pressure that is putting on my relationship with Aaron, there is nothing to celebrate!

Is that good enough... Of course not! So her friend calls me and says, well you know, it's not about you, it's about other people. WHAT THE FUCK... Excuse me. But, MY birthday, should be about ME and what I want. I do everything else for everyone else. Rarely do I do anything for myself. So you know what... I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING. Get over it. Christ, you would think I have asked to be un-adopted or something.

I know, I should be lucky that I have people who want to be with me and celebrate with me. That is true. Some people have no one. BUT, sometimes, you don't want to be with anyone. And it shouldn't it be my decision?

OH!

2004-12-13T11:51:00.000-05:00

And I went to Target for the first time ever this weekend. Yeah, after Christmas if I ever have any money, that could be a very dangerous store! It was a little to crowded for me, but I'm sure that will die down a bit after the holidays. They had some really GREAT stuff, and it wasn't expensive at all.

Live Music

2004-12-13T09:57:00.000-05:00

So, I was at my parents house a few weekends ago to celebrate my dad's birthday. And as usual, I say something and it gets taken the complete wrong way that I meant it.

I had said how much I need to see a concert, I am missing that great live music thing. My mother just rolled her eyes, cause she just doesn't get what kind of feeling I get when I go to a show. (And, no, contrary to popular belief, not all concerts need to be Dave Matthews for me to like it!) So I told her, well, I get the same thing out of going to a show that you get from sitting around drinking with your friends. Now, yes, that can be sooo taken the wrong way. However, she loves going to her friends houses on the weekends, they all sit around, drinking, smoking and shooting darts. But because I usually give her shit about her drinking and smoking, she took it to mean I was telling her yet again she drinks to much (which she does) and smokes to much (which she does). But for once I swear that was not my intention!

ANYWAY, back to the live music! I don't really care what it is, I love going to shows. I am dying to see Motley Crue on their reunion tour. But I doubt very highly that would happen. I am still waiting to see No Doubt live, it's a tragic story of how that band and I can never be in the same city at the same time. I've loved them since before everyone knew who they were. When they were doing small venues, they would come through Providence when I was living there. But I would always have to be in CT when they were in Prov and when they were somewhere in CT, I was in Prov! Go figure! I'm hoping Gwen tours for her solo album, that would be an interesting show. The album is really good. A great upbeat feel and I really like the lyrics. Plus her voice is always a plus, it's so different than the majority of what is out there right now. There are so many bands I would love to see, but money and time prevent most of them :( I would love to see Jason Mraz again, just not general admission with a bunch of 16 year olds. Oh lord the stories from that show alone can keep people laughing for ages!

Guster was great opening for DMB at Alpine this summer, I'd really like to see them do their own headlining tour. Maroon 5, John Mayer (yes, I like him and don't have a problem with the fact you probably don't! LOL), U2, Areosmith, Def Leppard, Poison... so many others that I still want to see and see again. I haven't seen Def Leppard since my first concert ever in 1988. They were at the Oakdale not to long ago, but I heard about it to late and couldn't get tickets. I definitely have varied music taste. But I just love all live music. Well, not Celine Dion, she just hits that one nerve in my brain that triggers nausea at a moments notice. I still don't know how people can get into her. But so many people think that about me & DMB... so who am I to judge.

Oh well, gotta do some work now... yuck!

Birthdays

2004-12-13T09:52:00.000-05:00

I just don't get it. What is the big deal about a birthday. I know, I know... I'm just a meanie. I like celebrating other peoples birthdays, I find them to be a FABULOUS excuse for a party. But my own... forget it. I HATE IT. To me it is just another reminder of what I haven't accomplished in one year. Yeah, sure, I did do a lot this year, but at the same time, I am no where.

We got married and we bought a condo. We were pretty much married before, we just went on a long vacation and made it official. The condo is pretty cool, however, since we pay for it every month, it doesn't feel much different than renting. Except I can paint the walls whatever color I want :)

I still have not been able to afford to finish college, I am still in debt up to my ears, and now this year is even more "fabulous" with the knowledge of me not having a job come January 31st.

eh, shit happens... let's just forget about this week and fast forward to next :)

My next post will be much more fun, I SWEAR!

2004-12-10T09:49:00.000-05:00

When I win the lottery will you all go away with me on vacation? Rosalie and I have day dreamed about this before... where we'd go, who would go, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no thoughts of me ACTUALLY winning, it's more like a good day dream. Two people I know have won more than $1 million, so it's a plausible dream. I just know it wont happen. But I like the distraction of what I would do with my money, if I had extra :)

So, where would you want to go? For a week, with your friends? (Friends you have met and not actually met!) And we do know from past expierences (Bong & Gorge!) that you can go away with people you haven't met in person yet. I used to have this long running list of people I would bring away with me. I think I got up to over 100 names of friends & family. I left off the family that pisses me off though ;) I'm sure now it would need a lot of editing, I should find that list and see what has changed in the past year or so.

You guys pick, where are we going????

I'm officially insane

2004-12-09T13:32:00.000-05:00

Well, not like official official, no clinical diagnosis, YET!

Update on the cousin situation. Well, I let my fingers do the hunting on google and some other sites and by way of a reverse phone search look up, I got his address. I wrote him a long letter, the usually bullshit, hi, how are you, what I'm up to, how much I miss him, shows I've gone to. Of course I mentioned Oakland & James Brown @ MSG :) I never in a million years thought I would hear back from him. I just wanted him to know I was thinking about him, that I love him and if he needs me I'm only a phone call or email away!

GUESS WHAT?!? He called. Yesterday while I was working. I saw on the caller id a number I didn't recognize so I just let it go to voice mail. I wish I didn't now, cause he left me this great message. He called me a little fucker for being so creative to track him down... yeah, I'm proud of that :) I don't mind one bit! It was so worth it just to hear his voice again. I'm mad at myself though, I was so excited about getting his message and listening to it, I deleted it afterwards by mistake. Just out of habit I hit 7 and closed my phone. DAMN IT! Oh well, at least I heard it once. I called him back and left another message. I'll probably try him again next Monday or Tuesday if I don't hear from him. He really is the only member of my family that hasn't made me feel different or talked down to me. Of course, it took till I was older to appreciate that. And I should clarify, no one in my family intentionally talks down to me or makes me feel different, I know it is completely unintentional. They are all great people, with great hearts. I just don't "click" with them very much and feel very much on the outside looking in.

Other than that, nothing interesting is going on. Work is CHAOS, but it's good, keeping my mind off the impending "transition", also known as the day I no longer have a job!

Stuff

2004-12-08T13:57:00.000-05:00

Not to much is going on right now. I'm depressed as all hell about Christmas, my birthday, losing my job, etc. But what else is new right? Ugh... so hating life right now. I know, I know, it will get better. But right now it just feels like every day it just gets worse. It's way to much to get into and way to personal for even me to write about on the web, but I've had way to many realizations about myself, my family & friends lately. I hate it. I wish sometimes I didn't think! Thinking is very over-rated!

On a brighter note, per my mothers instructions and request, my Birthday & Christmas list:

Gift cards to Ikea (I want my shelves damn it! and a dining room table and lamp, hell I just want something that we BOUGHT for the house, that wasn't from a thrift store or given to us by relatives cause they don't want it anymore!)

Anything from my Amazon.com wish list

That's it :)

And no, my mother doesn't read this, but some friends & family do, so I'm just trying to make everyone happy!

That's about it for now... Maybe I'll come up with something clever or interesting later, but I'm seriously doubting it!

LOVE YOU :)